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Some humans have a 'mode' that is an instant bedroom turn off for partner, warns expert

Some humans have a 'mode' that is an instant bedroom turn off for partner, warns expert

A sex expert has revealed a 'destructive' habit that many of us do that is an 'instant bedroom turn off'.

A sex expert has revealed the 'toxic' habit that many of us do that is an 'instant bedroom turn off'.

According to Aussie Nadia Bodoky, countless people are guilty of going into a 'mode' during intimate moments that can totally ruin the vibe.

Bodoky explained that during a romantic weekend away, she found herself bringing up her girlfriend's former flame.

Sex expert Nadia Bokody.

While this may seem pretty harmless and standard, it turns out that many of us are guilty of comparing ourselves to a past lover of our partner - something she coined as 'Sexual Comparison Mode' or SCM.

Writing for, Nadia explained: "I've stumbled into Sexual Comparison Mode (SCM); a toxic practice most of us have been guilty of, involving comparing ourselves to a significant other's past sexual partner.

"It's rooted in insecurity and an innate, albeit narcissistic, need to know we take the cake - that, as far as lovers go, we're the best our bae has ever had."

Nadia used the term 'Sexual Comparison Mode'.

She went on to share the results of an Elite Singles survey, which claims that around 30 percent of women and 21 percent of men compare their current partner's bedroom performance with an ex.

Adding: "Regardless, there are few things more destructive to your bond (and in turn, your sex life) than indulging in SCM."

The sex expert also quoted a 2019 study in which it was found that men who 'focus on their insecurities in a relationship' will have a more rapid decline in their sexual desire than men who feel secure.

Nadia also reached out to psychosexual therapist Christopher Brett-Renes, who warned about the dangers of comparing yourself to your partner's past loves.

He said: "Going into comparison mode isn't going to turn on your sexual partner.

"If anything, it will push them away or cause an argument."

Christopher also warned that it could be harmful to question your partner about what their ex was like in bed.

Around 30 percent of women were found to partake in SCM, according to a study.

He said: "People often overlook the fact that an ex is the ex for a reason, it doesn't matter what the sex was like.

"Don't let your insecurity damage your relationship - your partner IS WITH YOU."

Nadia later explains that while it's fairly normal to compare yourself to others, as 'long as you don't make sexual comparison the focus of your relationship, it's possible to recover from it'.

She added: "Even the most self-assured of us isn't immune to the odd insecurity freak-out on a bad day."

Featured Image Credit: Pexels

Topics: Sex and Relationships