Alright, lads, listen up, how's Freshers' Week going for you? Have you ended up spewing and crying on the phone to mummy? Good.
Moving on, there's little time left and we have some work to do. Since the first university campus was discovered, UK students have struggled to live up to the legendary college partying of their brothers and sisters in the USA.
Students in the UK haven't quite had the planning, facilities and general commitment to the cause to put on an epic event.
For that reason, it's time to knuckle down and study the ingredients of the ultimate student party.
First, let's see how students in the USA throw a college party and see if there is anything to learn along the way.
So, from our in-depth research, it's clear that students in the UK are lacking tarpaulin, water, washing-up liquid, swimwear, decent music and a paddling pool.
It's not good enough, I'm afraid. The UK needs the students who are studying the following courses to come forward to have any chance of pulling this off: Event planning, music tech, PR management, set design. You guys will be the foundation. The toppings of a shit-load of students who are willing to let their hair down and get smashed will finish this off nicely. Medical students may be needed on standby.
Now, here's your first assignment. Freshers, I want you to throw the mother of all house parties to kick start your incredible time at university. I'm talking about inflatable slides, beer and outside music. What could possibly go wrong?
Right, good luck. Just remember it's the UK's reputation on the line and you'll be fine.
Featured image credit: YouTube/Reid Howard
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