Don't Even Bother Putting Up Christmas Decorations In November, You Horrors
Right, let's get this straight, it's more than okay to get excited for Christmas. Yes, it's alright to be taken by the joy of the festivities. But, if you're putting up your decorations now, when we're not even half way through November, you can hang your head in shame.
In my mind, there's always been an unwritten rule that trees, lights, fake snow and inflatable Santa Clauses are reserved for December, and December only.
The occasion is far more fun than any other holiday in the year, but you never ask people to start celebrating your birthday a month in advance, do you?
For one, your electricity bill is going to sky rocket. It does that throughout the final month of the year, but why would you extend that hefty payment to a two-month period? If St Nick actually existed, he'd be sick of your shit. It's his time off. He doesn't want to be thinking about work until he absolutely has to.
Furthermore, you're putting more stress on us, the people who have to look at your decorations. It's a timely reminder of just how unprepared we are for the festive period. Firstly, it's thoughts of: "Oh bollocks, I need a tree, and lights." Then, it swiftly moves to: "Oh fuck I've got presents for no one." THEN: "Holy fucking shit how much money am I going to have to spend." AND THEN: "BLOODY HELL I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SEE MY MISSUS' MUM, SHIIIIIT."
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So thank you for that.
Seeing others with their decorations up also puts pressure on you, because as soon as your other half or your mother sees that other people are doing it, they immediately deem it as acceptable. The questions of when you can put up the tree begin to flood in. The hint is also always that it will be earlier, rather than later. They start buying wrapping paper on the sly, along with a few cards, claiming to just be getting 'prepared'. However, in reality she is tucked away somewhere, drafting what to write in the cards, deciding the presents to wrap in which paper, leaving the cheap 50p four metre roll for Aunty Gene, who annoyed them back in March.
Basically, it's okay to get up for Christmas, by all means go for it, it's great. But reserve the tunes, mince pies, trees, lights, films and cards until December. It's far more exciting when you cram all the festive activities into a shorter period of time.
We can accept an early pig in blanket.
Featured image credit: PA