I've been waiting my entire life to use these words: "Ah... Oh how the tables have turned, Jeremy."
After years of Jeremy Kyle ridiculing, belittling and subjecting people with relationship problems for our entertainment, the cheeky scamp has gone and ended up in a situation not too dissimilar to one of his shows.
Yet to show off whether or not his teeth now resemble that of misplaced paving stones and not necessarily wearing Burberry clothing, the host of show is now reportedly seeing his children's nanny after divorcing his wife Cara who cheated on him.
As a special edition of the show, he should appear in the famous seats, undergo a lie detector test, take abuse from the audience and tell a security guard to fuck off. I think we're owed that.
Half way through his ex-wife's mother barges onto the show exclaiming "THE BASTARD KEPT STEALING MY AUBERGINES" before a stand-in host asks her what the fuck she's on about. Eventually, after at least five minutes of spouting potent bullshit about an unrelated topic, she'll reveal, to try and deflect all the abuse away from her daughter, that Jezza used to play Monopoly late at night with the kid's nanny, because that's how he gets his kicks.
The lie detector tests soon come through - his ex is in the arms of her mother, weeping, drowned in despair. Jeremy sits on the other side of the stage, held back by security as the nanny sits back stage, perfecting the arms-folded, resting bitch face look. "The lie detector found that Jeremy was... TELLING THE TRUTH!"
But, woah, hang on, a revelation... "It wasn't Monopoly they were playing, it was... CLUEDO!"
"You dirty bastard! While your missus is upstairs and the kids are tucked up in bed, you were caught with the durex in the conservatory. Game over."
In all honesty this isn't the true story, but it should be.
In fact, Jezza is seeking solitude in dating the former nanny of his children after he and his cheating wife's divorce was finalised, the Sunday Mirror reports.
35-year-old Vicky Burton, who looked after Jeremy's three kids, has allegedly been dating the star for two months.
"It's early days but he's happy," a friend of the pair said. "The relationship is just starting out so who knows what the future will hold?"
Even if it does work out well, I reckon he should go on his own show anyway. Just for the confusion and laughter.
Featured Image Credit: ITV
Topics: Jeremy Kyle