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The ever-opinionated broadcaster has traded in expensive cars for costly sheep in his new Amazon Prime Video series Clarkson's Farm, which sees him attempt to farm 1,000 acres of land in the Cotswolds.
But one crop you won't find him growing anytime soon is cannabis.
"We are allowed to grow hemp and things, but I won't because it's so right on and trendy," Clarkson tells LADbible.
"If you're at a party and someone brings a spliff out you just think, 'Christ they're just going to be boring for the rest of the evening.' I usually just go home."
It's not just the tedious company that drives him away though - there's also the very real prospect of him pulling a whitey.
"Apart from anything else, if I go into a room and somebody's had a joint I get a white face and pass out," the 61-year-old says.
"Passive dope gives me a serious problem. I just don't hang around with people who partake, put it that way."
Perhaps he should just go the whole hog and farm cocaine - he could call it 'Top Gear'.
Clarkson's Farm is quite the departure from Top Gear though; instead of watching him whizz around winding roads in slick supercars, we see him trudge through fields in wellies.
And yet, it still somehow feels quite a lot like Top Gear - testament to how much the show was always about him as much as cars.
The big difference is that Clarkson knows a fair deal about cars, whereas he knows very little about farming. This makes for great telly, as I'm sure you can imagine from the following lambing season anecdote.
"So she [the shepherd] said, 'Put your hand in there and see if you can feel a leg,'" Clarkson recalls.
"So I put the James Herriot rubber gloves on, and in I went. She said, 'Can you feel the legs?', I was going, 'No I can't,' she said, 'Go a bit deeper.'
"The sheep's looking at me like, 'What on earth are you doing?'. And then I couldn't feel the head, I couldn't feel anything, and then I said, 'How many holes does a sheep have at the back?'.
"It turns out it's two, and I was in the wrong one. And the sheep - even to this day - every time I go in the field I know which one it is, 'cause it looks at me in a very odd way... She was trying to give birth and was being anally fisted."
If that sounds like your cup of tea, you can watch Clarkson's Farm on Amazon Prime Video now.
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