Bloke who saved sex for marriage left still not being able to do it once married for brutal reason
A bloke has been left in tears after finding out he couldn't have sex after getting married, despite staying celibate his whole life.
The Chicago-based man revealed all to a relationship expert, and went to seek advice from him on what to do.
CJ explained his predicament on an episode of relationship expert and author John Delony's YouTube show The Dr. John Delony Show.
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He sought advice from the expert, asking how he could fight his urges off while still remaining a 'good husband', with his confession generating a huge reaction from viewers.
CJ explained to John over the phone that he and his wife are devout Christians, meaning they were both virgins when they sealed the deal in November 2022.
However, the pair ran into a problem when it came to consummating the marriage that has remained for the year they have been together.
CJ said: "We quickly found out once we were married that she suffers from a condition known as vaginismus."
Vaginismus can be explained as an 'involuntary tensing of the vagina' that people can experience during sex, using a tampon or even when getting a pelvic exam.
The cause of the condition is still unknown, but factors that are suspected to contribute to it are anxiety disorders, injuries, or a general 'fear' of sex, which can be induced by 'past sexual abuse, rape or trauma'.
Vaginal dilators, kegels and cognitive behavioural therapy are common treatments for the condition.
CJ revealed that his wife had been working with a 'sexual psychologist, a physical therapist, and gynaecologist', but to no avail so far.
CJ also said: "In Christian culture, sex goes from like a thing that's pretty much bad to something that's great and awesome as soon as you get married and I think that's just a really hard pivot to make. It's literally overnight."
He also explained that they 'try to be creative' when it comes to intimacy, but he said he can feel 'incomplete' sometimes become of this.
He continued: "It's been tough. And in the beginning, I thought it was me, you know? It felt like she was rejecting me.
"How can I be the best husband that I can be right now while she's working through everything?"
Delony said CJ should voice his disappointments and frustrations, as 'secrets will destroy a marriage'.
He also reminded the husband the condition is 'super treatable', and not the be-all and end-all of their relationship, despite the fact that not having sex can 'suck'.
Delony explained: "But don't think this is forever. I'm proud of you, keep walking with her, keep holding her hand.
"Try to create a world where you can say the disappointments out loud, you can voice your frustrations and the things that make you sad out loud."
The expert then encouraged viewers with similar problems to speak to a licensed professional as it will be 'worth it' in the long run.
Users in the comment loved how respectful CJ was when talking about the situation and his wife.
One user commented: "The way this man speaks of his wife brought tears to me eyes"
Another put: "I have faith in this couple. They seem so wholesome. Best of luck in their efforts."
Topics: Health, Mental Health, Sex and Relationships, YouTube
Joshua Nair