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Expert Reveals ‘Destructive’ Habit Many Of Us Do That Is ‘Instant Bedroom Turn-Off’

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Expert Reveals ‘Destructive’ Habit Many Of Us Do That Is ‘Instant Bedroom Turn-Off’

A sex expert has revealed a 'destructive' habit that many of us do that is an 'instant bedroom turn off'.

According to Aussie Nadia Bokody, many of us are guilty of comparing ourselves to a past lover of our partner - something she coined 'Sexual Comparison Mode' or SCM.

Writing for news.com.au, Nadia explained that during a romantic weekend away, she found herself bringing up her girlfriend's former flame.

Credit: Instagram/nadiabokody
Credit: Instagram/nadiabokody
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She explained: "I've stumbled into Sexual Comparison Mode (SCM); a toxic practice most of us have been guilty of, involving comparing ourselves to a significant other's past sexual partner.

"It's rooted in insecurity and an innate, albeit narcissistic, need to know we take the cake - that, as far as lovers go, we're the best our bae has ever had."

She went on to share the results of an Elite Singles survey, which claims around 30 percent of women and 21 percent of men compare their current partner's bedroom performance with an ex.

She added: "Regardless, there are few things more destructive to your bond (and in turn, your sex life) than indulging in SCM."

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Credit: PA
Credit: PA

The sex expert also quoted a 2019 study in which it was found that men who 'focus on their insecurities in a relationship' will have a more rapid decline in their sexual desire than blokes who feel secure.

Nadia also reached out to psychosexual therapist Christopher Brett-Renes, who warned about the dangers of comparing yourself to your partner's past loves.

He said: "Going into comparison mode isn't going to turn on your sexual partner.

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"If anything, it will push them away or cause an argument."

Christopher also warned that it could be harmful to question your partner about what their ex was like in bed.

Credit: PA
Credit: PA

He said: "People often overlook the fact that an ex is the ex for a reason, it doesn't matter what the sex was like.

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"Don't let your insecurity damage your relationship - your partner IS WITH YOU."

Nadia later explains that while it's fairly normal to compare yourself to others, as 'long as you don't make sexual comparison the focus of your relationship, it's possible to recover from it'.

She added: "Even the most self-assured of us isn't immune to the odd insecurity freak-out on a bad day."

Featured Image Credit: PA

Topics: Sex and Relationships

Claire Reid
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