Students at the University of Oxford were reportedly threatened with a £1,000 fine after a student crapped on a bathroom floor.
The offending faeces were found in the communal toilets at University College, and the offender was condemned for their 'repulsive behaviour'.
According to The Tab, accommodation and facilities officer Shane Pledge sent out an email threatening a collective £1,000 fine if the culprit didn't come forward.
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The email, sent on Monday (16 January), read: "I am emailing as someone in your building defecated in the ground floor bathroom and left it for others to clean up.
"This is repulsive behaviour that goes beyond any bounds of what could be considered reasonable.
"It is unacceptable that a member of my team has to clean this mess up; as a result we will be withdrawing scouting from your building until the culprit comes forward or you collectively clean this mess up. Gloves and products will be left in the shower room.
"If neither of these happen by the end of the day, all occupants will share a £1,000 fine to get an external cleaning company in."
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LADbible has contacted the university and the college for further comment.
Since then, someone has seemingly taken ownership of the floor turd and provided some kind of explanation; however, they were far from repentant.
In a post on Oxford student confessions page, Oxfess, the anonymous mudslinger claimed they followed through on a fart, adding that the response of the uni was 'out of order' and 'it's their job to clean it'.
The apparent confession read: "Listen; it was I who had the accident at univ and I really don't appreciate people posting on here about it or college for making such a big deal of it in the first place.
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"I have been feeling under the weather and am now on new meds that have been interfering with my stomach and when I'd just had a shower I followed through on a fart and literally ran out as quickly as I could because I was absolutely mortified.
"I tried to go back but was terrified of being seen whilst cleaning the dirt that I'd expelled earlier, so ended up having a full blown panic attack.
"The cleaners have seen worse and the college or being absolutely out of order. I'm sick of it. It's their job to clean it."
Wow. Bet that explanation went down about as well as the s***e itself.
Jake Massey