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There's some almost-literal dick-swinging going on between two men at the moment - those two men being Roberto Esquivel Cabrera, aka the man with the biggest penis in the world, and Jonah Falcon, whose penis is the second biggest.
The latter even managed to make Holly Willloughby blush (not hard though, let's face it) when he appeared on This Morning a few years back - telling her that his junk 'seldom ever' holds him back when in bed with someone, and that he's 'extremely into foreplay'.
Now, if we're going to talk numbers, Roberto's is 18.9 inches long, while Jonah's is 13.5 inches. That techincally makes Roberto the 'winner' of this extremely weird battle of the bulge.
However - and here's where the plot thickens - Jonah says that Roberto's cheating, and that his supposed natural length has been the result of 'stretching'.
Yep, that was the sound of penis owners across the globe taking a short, sharp, squeamish intake of breath. Jonah reckons he's been stretching his actual willy.
"His penis isn't 19 inches," 47-year-old Jonah told The Sun. "Doctors have acknowledged this and said he could have a normal sex life if he is essentially circumcised.
"[Roberto's story] has been going around for the past two-and-a-half years.
"The man stretched his foreskin constantly, from what I understand, but it's normal underneath.
"I think it's ridiculous and he seems kind of desperate. No matter how big he is, it's not going to change the fact that I'm 13.5 inches."
He also said that he wasn't arsed about Roberto's claims, saying: "I'm not competing with anybody, at least not directly. It's not going to change who I am and what I have and in my eyes, it's kind of pathetic.
"If you can't use it, what good is it for?"
Roberto Esquivel Cabrera. Credit: Barcroft
And apparently what Jonah's saying - not that he's bothered, remember - might actually be true, according to radiologists who performed a CT scan on Cabera. They also say most of his penis is foreskin, after all.
"Our findings on the CT scan were that he has a very large foreskin, it goes almost to the knee," said radiologist Jesus Pablo Gilmore.
"The glands themselves are only six to seven inches from the pubic. It doesn't go all the way through the foreskin."
C'mon, guys. Haven't you always been told it's not the size that matters?
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