Never Mind Brexit, Someone Has Worked Out How To Hang Toilet Paper
It is a question that has plagued the minds of philosophers and scientists since the human race stopped wiping our collective arses with a rag on the end of a pole. What is the correct way to hang your toilet paper?
OK, it might not seem like the most pressing argument out there, but Brexit is unbelievably boring and we've all stopped caring by now. This is at least an argument that apparently has an answer.
So, before we begin - do you hang your toilet roll over or under?
If you said over, you can now take in the plaudits and kudos that are surely coming to you, that is the correct way.
On what authority is that claimed? I hear you ask.
Well, an Australian consumer magazine called CHOICE unearthed some documents from 128 years ago that show a patent obtained by a company for what they call the "S. Wheeler Wrapping or Toilet Paper Roll".
It's basically not changed since then, therefore we can assume that the diagram - showing a bog roll positioned over the holder - is still as correct now as the original designers intended.
Have a bit of that, under-rollers.
The magazine boasted: "Here at CHOICE, we're fearless in finding truth in the most complex consumer concerns... which is why we set out to provide a conclusive answer to the controversial question of whether to hang your toilet paper over or under the roll."
They continued: "So, at risk of permanently losing members, we're here to announce that 'over' is the correct way to hang toilet paper."
So, there you have it. A definitive answer. Well, sort of.
Here's a new question for you, though. Should we even use toilet paper at all? There is a school of thought that suggests we should do away with it altogether.
As gross as that sounds, let's hear them out.
Whilst Rose George, the author of The Big Necessity: The Unmentionable World Of Human Waste and Why It Matters, isn't advocating a return to the world of rags on sticks and bunches of leaves, she does make a valid point about the usefulness of using only toilet roll to clean your backside.
She told Tonic: "Toilet paper moves shit, but it doesn't remove it. You wouldn't shower with a dry towel; why do you think that dry toilet paper cleans you?
"I find it rather baffling that millions of people are walking around with dirty anuses while thinking they are clean."
Well, when you put it like that, perhaps we've got bigger issues than just the way we hang it.
Featured Image Credit: PA