The internet is a wonderful thing, and you'll never convince me otherwise, however, as much joy as sitting staring at my phone gives me, every once in a while I come across something that makes me think 'that's quite enough Internet for today'.
And so, to this bizarre trend of men using toilet roll tubes to measure their dicks.
Apparently, this isn't a new practice, and men have been using this measuring trick for a while (why?), however, it's come to prominence again thanks to this tweet:
- 裏垢のお作法 (@urasahou) January 27, 2018
This really breaks it down for everyone - including handy diagrams and little measurements. In case you're still asking 'wtf?' It works by measuring how much of your (I assume erect, but correct me if I'm wrong) penis is poking out the end of the roll. Obviously, the more penis-poke the bigger it is. So simple, but also why?
If the head doesn't stick out the end, then you've got a small penis on your hands; around two centimetres and you're 'average', according to the diagram.
If you've got four centimetres over you have a 'huge cock' and if the whole head is out, then that's a monster appendage, right there.
I guess it's a solid unit of measurement because we all know how long a toilet roll tube is, don't we? But I mean, I'm honestly clutching at straws here, this is fucking weird.
And problems arise when you're using the method for checking out girth. The toilet roll tube measures girth by looking at wiggle room - raging from loads of room, meaning less girth, through to snug, which gives you an 'average' measurement and finally on to 'can't insert without ripping the tube', being the biggest, of course.
But this is where you're going to run into problems, because, much like penises, not all toilet roll tubes are created equally when it comes to width - Sainsbury's even have a slim range; so where does that leave us?
Of course, that isn't the only problem here. The whole bloody thing is a problem - measuring penises is an arbitrary exercise, because it doesn't really mean much in the grand scheme of things; also imagine you're giving this a blast and your mum/wife/housemate walks in? Not worth it.
If for, whatever reason, you do want to check out how you measure up against the average, you can do so here. But lets not forget that a wise man once said, 'it's not the size of the ship, but the motion in the ocean'.
Featured Image Credit: Creative Commons