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"Existence, well, what does it matter, I exist on the best terms I can. The past is now part of my future, the present is well out of hand." - Ian Curtis, from Joy Division's 'Heart and Soul'.
Today would have been the 60th birthday of Ian Curtis, the lead singer of Joy Division. He died aged 23 after committing suicide on 18th May 1980 on the eve of the band's first tour of North America. Sadly, he was gone before the band could properly announce themselves to the world.
For a band so revered, they did not produce a large quantity of material. Their back catalogue consists of just two studio albums and a handful of singles. Joy Division released their final album, Closer, in 1980. This was the follow up to their debut, Unknown Pleasures. That the music and lyrics still resonate with so many people and still sounds so fresh is a testament to the band's timeless nature. Ian's lyrics were, and are, beyond pop music. Curtis reached into the realm of poetry and art.
It's impossible to stress the importance and beauty of Ian's lyrics. They speak to a loneliness that exists within all of us. He captures the sense of isolation that comes just from existing - knowing nobody, not a mother, a father, or even a wife or girlfriend - can truly know how you feel. He captured that words are incapable of describing what it means to be you in its entirety.
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Ian's inner life was one of contradictions and conflict, but his band-mates describe him as a normal guy from Macclesfield. A drinker, a smoker, one of the lads - his death was a surprise to many of those who knew and loved him. In a 1987 interview with Option, band-mate Stephen Morris commented on how he would describe Curtis to those who asked what he was like. He said: "An ordinary bloke just like you or me, liked a bit of a laugh, a bit of a joke."
But to say he suffered in silence is wrong. His lyrics were his outlet. Reflecting on what he penned decades later, they clearly and vividly describe a man's inner turmoil. They also described the breakdown of his marriage to Deborah Curtis, a woman he no doubt loved but who he married when he was still a teenager.
This was the 1970s. Ian married when he was only 19. His daughter, Natalie, was born when he was just 22 and this was just a year before his passing.
It is often pointed out that Curtis suffered from epilepsy and depression - but they do not define him.
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There is so much that defines the man. Growing up listening to Bowie and The Doors, getting high off prescription drugs, his marriage to Deborah, the Sex Pistol's gig that changed everything. Then there is Joy Division's signing to Tony Wilson's factory records, the release of Unknown Pleasures - commonly acknowledged as one of the greatest of all time, his affair with music journalist Annik, the band's growing fame and success. And then, Curtis being found dead in his family home - having hanged himself using a washing line.
It's hard to imagine what it would be like were he still alive today. This is a time when musicians are increasingly tangible and feel more 'human' than ever. You can message Rihanna on Twitter, or follow your favourite band on Instagram.
The truth is, it's impossible to know.
Ian's lyrics feel at once distant, yet so close. No band has moved and influenced me like Joy Division. I met my best friend at a party discussing how much their songs meant to us both. They are the songs I reach for when I feel there is no point carrying, at my own points of despair.
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I only know Ian through his music, but I have always felt like he understands me like few others do. Maybe you don't feel the same way about Joy Division's music, maybe you think it's emo and shit, but everyone has a musician or band that has that kind of impact on them.
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Ian Curtis would have been 60 today, but he died at 23 - two years younger than I am now. I could talk about him all day, but it seems senseless to talk when you can listen to the music yourself, watch the way he moves as he sings and get what he's all about.
"To the centre of the city where all roads meet, waiting for you,
To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank, searching for you,
I was moving through the silence without motion, waiting for you,
In a room with a window in the corner I found truth."
- Lyrics from Joy Division's 'Shadowplay'
RIP, the greatest.
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Words by James Dawson