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Lad Used Tactic To Sneak Into Nightclubs Aged 17 Using The Daily Mail Newspaper

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Lad Used Tactic To Sneak Into Nightclubs Aged 17 Using The Daily Mail Newspaper

Like anyone born between July and August, the year I turned 17 was one of the longest years of my life.

All of my friends had celebrated their 18th birthday months before me, and while I sat at home watching EastEnders with my parents, they were tearing through the cocktail list at ‘Spoons

It got to the point where I couldn’t scroll through my Snapchat feed without seeing photos of them necking snakebites, chatting up girls and partying the night away.

I had a dilemma: I desperately wanted join in the fun but there was no way I was getting through the door with my provisional driver’s licence showing my date of birth as 2004. 

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Quais, right, came up with a quirky solution to getting into nightclubs (Credit: Qais Hussain)
Quais, right, came up with a quirky solution to getting into nightclubs (Credit: Qais Hussain)

I looked into getting a fake ID but quickly thought better of it; not only are they ridiculously expensive (one person quoted me £120), I didn’t really fancy getting a criminal record before I’d even got through my A-levels.

Determined to join in the fun, I came up with a quirky solution.

It was actually my business teacher who inspired the idea; he told me how, as a young man, he’d walk around London’s Canary Wharf with a copy of the prestigious Financial Times tucked under his arm. Whenever he went to a shop or a restaurant, he’d be treated like a CEO. No one dared to question or belittle him, he said, as long as he was carrying the FT.

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Qais's friends turned 18 before him and he wanted to join in the fun (Credit: Qais Hussain)
Qais's friends turned 18 before him and he wanted to join in the fun (Credit: Qais Hussain)

It got me thinking: instead of outright lying to the bouncers by adding a few years on top of my age, could I quietly pose as a middle-aged man-about-town? It had to be worth a try.

So, one evening in March, my friends and I agreed to go for pre-drinks at our local before trying to sneak into a club. 

On the way I picked up a copy of the Daily Mail from my local newsagent, and when we got there I confidently strolled through the entrance with the paper tucked under my arm.

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For the first time, not one single bouncer asked my age, or even looked at me suspiciously. I couldn’t believe my luck.

The teen quickly found that carrying a newspaper under his arm gave him instant credibility (Credit: Qais Hussain)
The teen quickly found that carrying a newspaper under his arm gave him instant credibility (Credit: Qais Hussain)

After the bar, we headed to the local student nightclub. I thought this might be trickier, but it was just as easy. While I might have walked into the club looking like an utter bell end, while all my friends had to patiently wait in line I went straight through – no questions asked. 

So what were my first impressions of a British nightclub? Despite the dimmed lights, I could see some terrible shapes being pulled and everyone seemed to be necking each other.

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As the night wore on, people were getting into fights and guys were crying. It was pure chaos and I loved it.

Qais quickly discovered he loved clubbing (Credit: Qais Hussain)
Qais quickly discovered he loved clubbing (Credit: Qais Hussain)

Not all my experiences have been rosy. One clubber spotted holding a copy of a certain red-top and gave me a piece of her mind. But after I told her the real reason I was carrying it, she couldn’t stop laughing. 

As time passed, I started getting more and more brazen, using my middle-aged persona in order to skip the queue and even avoid paying entry fees. And you know what? It worked!

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​Carrying a newspaper under my arm didn’t just get me into places; it gave me an unprecedented amount attention from girls. Who would have thought the Mail would be such a great icebreaker?

Qais on a night out with a friend (Credit: Qais Hussain)
Qais on a night out with a friend (Credit: Qais Hussain)

Getting into a club with a newspaper is the ultimate hustle; it’s a heady a mixture of power and jeopardy. The best part is seeing all the inquisitive looks on people's faces, wondering, Who is he? Why has he got a newspaper? What is his job? 

A few months later, I finally turned 18 which meant I could get into clubs with just a flash of my ID. But clubbing will never be as fun and exciting as those early days when I’d breezily skip the queue with a paper folded neatly under my arm.

What is the age limit for entering night clubs in England?

Technically anyone aged 16 or over may enter a nightclub, but most venues operate a discretionary 18+ policy. It is against the law for under-18s to purchase or consume alcohol in a public setting.

Featured Image Credit: Qais Hussain

Qais Hussain
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