Almost a third of men in the UK have admitted to faking an orgasm, a new study has revealed.
While it's almost meant to be a given that guys get off during sex, the truth is very different. And it's time to talk about it.
This is what 'sexpert' Alix Fox has to say about the 'orgasm gap':
With National Orgasm day - yep, it's a real thing - coming up (stop it) on the 31 July, it's as good a time as any to think about how we can all improve our bedroom antics, right?
Sex is often considered to be the 'glue' in a functioning relationship and realising how little we orgasm, or how much we fake it, is quite worrying.
According to a new poll of 2,000 UK adults - conducted by Durex - 32 percent of sexually active men have at some point faked an orgasm, aka a 'fauxgasm'.
"Many people will be surprised by this figure…and surprised that guys can credibly pull off a ‘liemax’ at all," Alix Fox, a board member of The Vagina Museum, told LADbible.
"Because however convincing somebody’s feigned moaning, intensified breathing and ‘make-believe heave’ – the hefting, tensing and shuddering of the body that often accompanies the male climax – wouldn’t the lack of ejaculate give the game away? No cum = a no go, surely?
"In fact, if a condom is used, it can be fairly easy for a man to remove and dispose of it after sex without his partner having chance to notice that it’s empty."
But why is this happening?
Well it seems that the five reasons why men fake their orgasms are:
- Because I am embarrassed that I wasn’t able to achieve one
- To make my partner feel better about themselves
- To arouse my partner and help them have an orgasm
- Because I feel guilty that I couldn’t orgasm with my partner
- I feel having an orgasm is expected
Half the people who took part in the study said that the main reason was to avoid making their partner feel bad or hurt their feelings.
"There are all sorts of things that can make it harder for a man to ejaculate, or mean that it may take longer for them to hit orgasm if at all, including stress, tiredness, anxiety, drinking alcohol, taking recreational drugs, or being on certain prescription medications," Fox explains.
Women, on the other hand, enjoy four times fewer orgasms on average than lads.
So when it comes to women having an O, is 'size' a factor?
For some, yes. But for most, no.
Only a fifth (21 percent) of women will actually orgasm from penetrative sex.
"Our obsession with seeing penetration as the be all and end all of sex," the sexpert explains.
"Indeed, when most people say the word 'sex', what they mean is 'penis in vagina (PIV) thrusting' – even though that’s just one of many, many wonderful forms of sexual play [are] available, and even though for the majority of women, PIV action is simply not enough to give them an O.
"Unfortunately, intercourse alone frequently isn’t great at delivering enough of this vital clitoral stimulation."
Don't worry, it's not all doom and gloom, though.
Thankfully, Fox has given her top five tips to make sure you're having a good time with your partner:
- Warm up properly! Focus on foreplay, and don’t make hurrying towards penetration your sole goal.
- Technology can make the game fairer: toys can increase pleasure.
- Be the ‘Hand of God’: ask, listen and learn how your partner loves to be touched.
- Communicate with your team: develop ways to comfortably, constructively talk about sex together, and make it a regular habit, since moods, needs and desires can change over time.
- Extra time can be a good thing: it shouldn’t always automatically be ‘game over’ in bed when only one person has reached climax. Make sure you both get enough stimulation to be satisfied.