When it comes to the breakdown of a marriage, it doesn’t usually happen in one fell swoop. Instead, it can take a number of steps to completely crumble.
However, not everyone will have the same experience, and one person’s relationship ending signs can differ from another.
But they might all follow a similar sense as what relationship expert Annalie Howling has seen happen.
It can be as simple as just making sure, you’re asleep before they get to bed, she said to the Daily Mail, or scheduling yourself away from being able to sit and watch TV with them.
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Maybe you find any excuse to distance yourself from them physically, or starting to live a separate life away from them – almost like you become roommates and not a married couple.
Then, there are things that are a little more concerning.
Choosing your own friends
Okay, there’s nothing wrong with wanting your own mates, but if you are doing it because you don’t want your life to be intertwined with your partner’s...I’ve got news for you.
According to the expert, it ‘can be a sign you’re developing new, separate relationships with other people’ and you might even feel more comfortable being seen as an individual away from their association.
This leads me to the next thing.
Removing yourself from mutuals
Whether you’re deleting mutual friends off social media, hiding them from your feed, or avoiding them in real life – distancing yourself from friends that are part of your ‘couple’ subcategory of mates could be a clue that you’re over being in the pairing.
“Many women will stop wanting to be around mutual friendship groups,” shared Howling, as she explain it’s because it’s easier to break away from them now so you don’t have to deal with the aftermath once the breakup occurs.
Ever heard of an ex-couple staying in the same friend group as one another? It’s not always comfortable.
Sod the soppy stuff
At the start, things are notably soft and romantic in anyone’s relationship. But if you’re struggling to pick out a card that shares how much you love your other half, things might not be going well.
“I speak to lots of clients who start to view buying a card for their partner like buying a card for their colleague,” Howling said. “There are no cute nicknames and no gushing, because it just no longer feels right.”
Death fantasy
Okay, so this sounds a little scary, but comedian Daniel Sloss said it well in his renowned relationship-ending Netflix special called Jigsaw in 2018.
The special has since been credited with causing more than 250,000 breakups and around 600 divorces, per Cosmopolitan.
Basically, you think about your other half’s death, as a way to give you a clean ‘out’ of the relationship. No stressful break up, no courts, no battle, no having to see them or co-parent with them.
Just a clean break up where it’s not your fault for ending things, and you can move on with your life guilt-free.
Scarily, Howling says almost ‘every single person who’s thought about separating or going through a divorce’ has fantasies of their partner dying because it 'basically offers an easier way out.'
Glowing up before you leave
If you’re acting differently, working on yourself or changing your looks for other people, it ‘suggests you’re placing your energy elsewhere.’
Howling said: “You might be saving outfits or making a huge effort to go out with the girls, and no longer excited enough to dress up or make an effort for dates with your partner. It ultimately shows you’re saving those moments when you feel really good about yourself to share with other people.”
The cheat sheet
Does the thought of your partner cheating make you feel a little relieved?
Like you’re not going to have to worry about them being interested in you, or knowing that it would make kicking them out of the house that much easier?
You might be over the relationship.
“It’s a bit like the ‘death fantasy’ situation. You feel relieved that you have a reason to exit the relationship, without you being the bad person. It’s as if the work has been done for you,” Howling said.
Scoreboarding
The tit-for-tat attitude doth not make for a long-lasting relationship, as this can feel oddly transactional.
If one of you starts having to keep score in the relationship of how many times one of you goes out compared to the other, who pays for something and yada yada, it could mean that you’re either checking out of the relationship, or wanting to make sure you’re getting your dues in the pairing before you split.
A quiet house
“We’re not fighting any more, it’s so peaceful," said the unassuming member of the relationship who is yet to find out why that’s a bad thing.
According to the relationship expert, when your other half no longer cares enough about your issues, or wants to work things out – they're probably planning on cutting their losses.
While uncomfortable, these things are sadly just part of the breakup cycle.
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Weddings
Britt Jones