Nurse who's witnessed 'so many deaths' explains spine-chilling moment she realised 'what happens after we die'
A hospice nurse who has held the hands of hundreds of people as they passed away has revealed the moment 'that changed how she sees death'.
Julie McFadden, better known online as Hospice Nurse Julie, explained that she is no longer afraid of what comes next after a particularly poignant experience with a patient.
The 42-year-old has acquired hundreds of thousands of followers on social media after she began sharing content educating people about death.
She has candidly discussed some of the shocking things she has seen while assisting people who are nearing the end of their lives, as well as revealing the most common deathbed confessions.
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Julie explained that shortly after she began working in hospice care, she had a profound experience with a patient who she referred to as Randy.
During an appearance on the Mighty Pursuit podcast in June, she discussed how she feels as though he 'showed her what death actually feels like' on the day that he passed away.
"What I experienced on the day he died is something I’ll never forget," she said. "This is the moment I stopped fearing death."
Julie said that Randy - a man in his 50s - had no family, no friends, was a hoarder and a 'lot of outside issues' going on, on top of his mental health issues and his ailing physical health.
"He needed a lot of help," she said, explaining that her team ended up clearing out his entire home as it 'wasn't safe' for him to reside in.
"The next time I saw him, he was like a different man," the hospice nurse said. "He was happy, he was more free, more open and he ended up living [another] nine months - which doesn't sound like a lot, but from what he was dying from and for what he was like when we first saw him, that's like crazy."
Randy ended up building a strong bond with the entire hospice team during this time, but Julie in particular 'grew super close' to him.
She recalled how she would often go over to his home to 'hang out' and 'just talk about his life', saying: "He wasn't afraid to talk about his own death, so he would talk to me about how he was afraid to die, and what did that mean and how he didn't live this free life - he had a lot of regrets.
"I don't have favourite patients, but if I did, he probably would be my favourite. I still think of him all the time."
As Randy's health worsened, he required 'continuous care' and a nurse remained by his side 24 hours a day to help him manage his symptoms, while Julie visited him intermittently.
"On the last day when I visited him, I could tell he'd probably die that day," she said. "I could tell by how he was breathing, by how he looked."
She asked the nurse caring for him to let her know when he took his last breath and explained that she 'said her goodbyes to him in her head' before leaving his home to head to her next patient.
"I was walking out of his apartment and I didn't feel really sad," she said. "I felt so grateful that I had met him, and I'm like, 'Oh my gosh, I just wish him the best whatever happens, I wish him the best journey'."
Julie ended up lingering outside Randy's home in her car for a moment and said she continued 'talking to him in her head'.
"And all of a sudden, I heard Randy's voice in my head and he was saying my name," the end-of-life expert told the podcast. "Not only did I hear his voice, but I felt like he gave me all of the senses.
"It was like I could hear him in my head, I could feel how he was feeling and I could almost see him - like he was soaring, he was happy.
"He was going 'Oh my gosh Julie, if I only would have known how good this was, I would never have been afraid'. I knew that all his life all he wanted was to be free, he always talked about that.
"And in death, I could tell he finally felt that and I just felt like an overwhelming feeling of peace and joy and happiness, that I could not help but cry in my car."
She explained that to this day, the story makes her 'want to cry' every time she talks about it, 'because it was so beautiful'.
Julie went on: "It made me feel not scared of death. When we die we're going back to the place that we once knew, we're going back to the place that we came from and I think it's going to feel like relief.
"I get glimpses of that place when I'm with people who are dying, when I'm with babies, when I feel connected to people and I have like honest conversations.
"Whatever this thing is, that thing feels like home to me - and I love being here and I love experiencing life and I'm so grateful for it, [but] I don't have to fear leaving this place because I think I'm going to a place that's going to feel more like home than here ever could."
Let's hope she's right, eh lads?
If you have experienced a bereavement and would like to speak with someone in confidence, contact Cruse Bereavement Care via their national helpline on 0808 808 1677.
Olivia Burke