• Home
  • News
  • Entertainment
  • LAD Originals

U OK M8?
Free To Be
Extinct
Citizen Reef

To make sure you never miss out on your favourite NEW stories, we're happy to send you some reminders

Click 'OK' then 'Allow' to enable notifications

Not now
OK

Man With Rare Condition Explains Why He'll Never Date A Kirsty

Shola Lee

Published 
| Last updated 

Man With Rare Condition Explains Why He'll Never Date A Kirsty

Featured Image Credit: SWNS / Doug Peters / Alamy Stock Photo

A man with a rare condition will never date a woman called Kirsty. Watch him explain why below:

Loading…

In 2009, Henry Gray, 23, discovered that he had lexical-gustatory synaesthesia, a condition that blurs the senses, meaning that he can often smell or taste while hearing.

So, would a rose by any other name smell as sweet?

We're not sure, but according to Henry, the name Kirsty smells of piss.

And that's not even the worst one, with the barman from Newcastle saying: "I've always associated words and names with tastes, smells and feelings - it's all I've ever known."

So, what do Harry Styles, Donald Trump and Kate Middleton's names taste/feel like?

Well, according to Henry, Harry is 'hair sticking up like telephone wires', while Donald is a 'deflating rubber duck', and we imagine he's heard that one before.

Meanwhile, Kate is 'vaguely like jaggedly cutting cloth with a knife in a church and I can hear it', which is super specific.

Henry discovered he had the condition in 2009, when he kept commenting on his classmates names. Credit: SWNS
Henry discovered he had the condition in 2009, when he kept commenting on his classmates names. Credit: SWNS

The comparisons don't stop there, apparently: "Cameron Diaz is like a sparkly disco ball slowly rotating and Jennifer Lawrence is like sniffing the inside of a shoe."

While matching celebrity names to smells seems like a fun party trick, Henry's condition meant that he had to change halls at university, large in part, because his roommates' names smelt.

He said: "At university when I moved into halls I was in a flat with a Duncan, Kirsty and Elijah.

"I had to change accommodation because they're some of the worst names - Ducan is like a bird dipped in smoky bacon crisps, Kirsty is a urine smell and Elijah is like liking an eyeball."

He added: "I couldn't form a friendship with them or live with them so I changed halls."

Henry even compiled a list, which you can see below. Credit: SWNS
Henry even compiled a list, which you can see below. Credit: SWNS

We'd probably do the same to be fair, and despite the room moving, Henry quite likes his condition.

He said: "Most of the time I quite like having synaesthesia and it doesn’t get in the way.

“I’m a bartender at a pub so whenever I look at people's ID I get a strong sense of the taste and smell.

“Sometimes it could be an image or feeling - like Leanne is a rose leaning on a window."

Meanwhile, the name Alice is like sliced apples, and Francessca is 'silky warm chocolate coffee.'

Ian, however, is like having a 'sticky, blocker ear,' and incase you're wondering what your name smells like, here's a list Henry compiled below:


Top female names

Safa - Espresso-soaked sponge cake

Abby - Orange Hubba Bubba

Hayley - Faint soft music


Top male names

Mitchell - Stretchy cheesy shell pasta

Theo - Cotton ball in mouth

Oscar - Citrus orange juice

Martin - Smarties

Bailey - Warm milk


Worst female names

Mary - A pile of unwashed pink bed sheets faintly smelling of damp

Kate - The sensation of burning myself on ice, like falling over on an ice rink and scraping your skin on dry ice

Natalie - Like broken wooden splinters in my mouth

Gertrude - Tastes like when you swallow back your own sick

Daisy - Sickly sweet butter that’s been left out in the sun and it’s turned orange

Arabella - A long smelly sock

Danika - Sharp segments of ready salted crisps lodged in my throat

Vicky - Like biting into shattered glass.

Brittany - Sensation of having my hair caught in something and pulled


Worst male names

Harrison - It’s like an itch on my body that I can’t scratch, it’s everywhere and nowhere - I don’t even like saying ‘Harrison’

Elijah - Like licking an eyeball - makes my skin crawl to say it

Rupert - A beer burp

Brad - The sensation of rope burn

Dylan - A toilet seat

Braydon - Genuinely provokes horse manure smeared on a wooden wall

Teddy - Beige unwashed settee covers

Hafsah - Feels like running my fingers through an old person's greasy thin hair

Ian - A horrible name! It’s like having a sticky, blocked ear, all gammy and waxy - I guess like the sensation of earache

Warren - Feels like heartburn

Topics: News, UK News, Health

Shola Lee
More like this

Chosen for YouChosen for You

Entertainment

Blonde viewers hit out at ‘f**cking distasteful’ death scene where Marilyn Monroe actually died

a day ago

Most Read StoriesMost Read

Crew member from Netflix's Dahmer claims she was 'treated horribly' on set

9 hours ago