Man With Rare Condition Explains Why He'll Never Date A Kirsty
A man with a rare condition will never date a woman called Kirsty. Watch him explain why below:
In 2009, Henry Gray, 23, discovered that he had lexical-gustatory synaesthesia, a condition that blurs the senses, meaning that he can often smell or taste while hearing.
So, would a rose by any other name smell as sweet?
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We're not sure, but according to Henry, the name Kirsty smells of piss.
And that's not even the worst one, with the barman from Newcastle saying: "I've always associated words and names with tastes, smells and feelings - it's all I've ever known."
So, what do Harry Styles, Donald Trump and Kate Middleton's names taste/feel like?
Well, according to Henry, Harry is 'hair sticking up like telephone wires', while Donald is a 'deflating rubber duck', and we imagine he's heard that one before.
Meanwhile, Kate is 'vaguely like jaggedly cutting cloth with a knife in a church and I can hear it', which is super specific.
The comparisons don't stop there, apparently: "Cameron Diaz is like a sparkly disco ball slowly rotating and Jennifer Lawrence is like sniffing the inside of a shoe."
While matching celebrity names to smells seems like a fun party trick, Henry's condition meant that he had to change halls at university, large in part, because his roommates' names smelt.
He said: "At university when I moved into halls I was in a flat with a Duncan, Kirsty and Elijah.
"I had to change accommodation because they're some of the worst names - Ducan is like a bird dipped in smoky bacon crisps, Kirsty is a urine smell and Elijah is like liking an eyeball."
He added: "I couldn't form a friendship with them or live with them so I changed halls."
We'd probably do the same to be fair, and despite the room moving, Henry quite likes his condition.
He said: "Most of the time I quite like having synaesthesia and it doesn’t get in the way.
“I’m a bartender at a pub so whenever I look at people's ID I get a strong sense of the taste and smell.
“Sometimes it could be an image or feeling - like Leanne is a rose leaning on a window."
Meanwhile, the name Alice is like sliced apples, and Francessca is 'silky warm chocolate coffee.'
Ian, however, is like having a 'sticky, blocker ear,' and incase you're wondering what your name smells like, here's a list Henry compiled below:
Top female names
Safa - Espresso-soaked sponge cake
Abby - Orange Hubba Bubba
Hayley - Faint soft music
Top male names
Mitchell - Stretchy cheesy shell pasta
Theo - Cotton ball in mouth
Oscar - Citrus orange juice
Martin - Smarties
Bailey - Warm milk
Worst female names
Mary - A pile of unwashed pink bed sheets faintly smelling of damp
Kate - The sensation of burning myself on ice, like falling over on an ice rink and scraping your skin on dry ice
Natalie - Like broken wooden splinters in my mouth
Gertrude - Tastes like when you swallow back your own sick
Daisy - Sickly sweet butter that’s been left out in the sun and it’s turned orange
Arabella - A long smelly sock
Danika - Sharp segments of ready salted crisps lodged in my throat
Vicky - Like biting into shattered glass.
Brittany - Sensation of having my hair caught in something and pulled
Worst male names
Harrison - It’s like an itch on my body that I can’t scratch, it’s everywhere and nowhere - I don’t even like saying ‘Harrison’
Elijah - Like licking an eyeball - makes my skin crawl to say it
Rupert - A beer burp
Brad - The sensation of rope burn
Dylan - A toilet seat
Braydon - Genuinely provokes horse manure smeared on a wooden wall
Teddy - Beige unwashed settee covers
Hafsah - Feels like running my fingers through an old person's greasy thin hair
Ian - A horrible name! It’s like having a sticky, blocked ear, all gammy and waxy - I guess like the sensation of earache
Warren - Feels like heartburn
Shola Lee