A man with a rare condition will never date a woman called Kirsty. Watch him explain why below:
In 2009, Henry Gray, 23, discovered that he had lexical-gustatory synaesthesia, a condition that blurs the senses, meaning that he can often smell or taste while hearing.
Advert
So, would a rose by any other name smell as sweet?
We're not sure, but according to Henry, the name Kirsty smells of piss.
And that's not even the worst one, with the barman from Newcastle saying: "I've always associated words and names with tastes, smells and feelings - it's all I've ever known."
So, what do Harry Styles, Donald Trump and Kate Middleton's names taste/feel like?
Well, according to Henry, Harry is 'hair sticking up like telephone wires', while Donald is a 'deflating rubber duck', and we imagine he's heard that one before.
Advert
Meanwhile, Kate is 'vaguely like jaggedly cutting cloth with a knife in a church and I can hear it', which is super specific.
The comparisons don't stop there, apparently: "Cameron Diaz is like a sparkly disco ball slowly rotating and Jennifer Lawrence is like sniffing the inside of a shoe."
While matching celebrity names to smells seems like a fun party trick, Henry's condition meant that he had to change halls at university, large in part, because his roommates' names smelt.
He said: "At university when I moved into halls I was in a flat with a Duncan, Kirsty and Elijah.
Advert
"I had to change accommodation because they're some of the worst names - Ducan is like a bird dipped in smoky bacon crisps, Kirsty is a urine smell and Elijah is like liking an eyeball."
He added: "I couldn't form a friendship with them or live with them so I changed halls."
We'd probably do the same to be fair, and despite the room moving, Henry quite likes his condition.
He said: "Most of the time I quite like having synaesthesia and it doesn’t get in the way.
Advert
“I’m a bartender at a pub so whenever I look at people's ID I get a strong sense of the taste and smell.
“Sometimes it could be an image or feeling - like Leanne is a rose leaning on a window."
Meanwhile, the name Alice is like sliced apples, and Francessca is 'silky warm chocolate coffee.'
Ian, however, is like having a 'sticky, blocker ear,' and incase you're wondering what your name smells like, here's a list Henry compiled below:
Advert
Top female names
Safa - Espresso-soaked sponge cake
Abby - Orange Hubba Bubba
Hayley - Faint soft music
Top male names
Mitchell - Stretchy cheesy shell pasta
Theo - Cotton ball in mouth
Oscar - Citrus orange juice
Martin - Smarties
Bailey - Warm milk
Worst female names
Mary - A pile of unwashed pink bed sheets faintly smelling of damp
Kate - The sensation of burning myself on ice, like falling over on an ice rink and scraping your skin on dry ice
Natalie - Like broken wooden splinters in my mouth
Gertrude - Tastes like when you swallow back your own sick
Daisy - Sickly sweet butter that’s been left out in the sun and it’s turned orange
Arabella - A long smelly sock
Danika - Sharp segments of ready salted crisps lodged in my throat
Vicky - Like biting into shattered glass.
Brittany - Sensation of having my hair caught in something and pulled
Worst male names
Harrison - It’s like an itch on my body that I can’t scratch, it’s everywhere and nowhere - I don’t even like saying ‘Harrison’
Elijah - Like licking an eyeball - makes my skin crawl to say it
Rupert - A beer burp
Brad - The sensation of rope burn
Dylan - A toilet seat
Braydon - Genuinely provokes horse manure smeared on a wooden wall
Teddy - Beige unwashed settee covers
Hafsah - Feels like running my fingers through an old person's greasy thin hair
Ian - A horrible name! It’s like having a sticky, blocked ear, all gammy and waxy - I guess like the sensation of earache
Warren - Feels like heartburn
Shola Lee