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Relationship expert warns against becoming a ‘chronic fluffer’

Relationship expert warns against becoming a ‘chronic fluffer’

The dating expert has witnessed a lot of it in her time

If we're talking about pillows, dog grooming or stuffing Build-A-Bear toys, then it might not be a bad thing to be a 'chronic fluffer'.

It might even be exactly what employers are looking for, but I can tell you one thing: you shouldn't bring that fluffer energy into a relationship.

This advice comes courtesy of relationship expert Sabrina Bendory, 38, who honed in on women in particular after witnessing 'lots' of friends become 'chronic fluffers'.

Don't be a fluffer.
Pixabay

Using the term 'girlfriend-fluffers', Bendory explained there are a number of reasons one might become a fluffer, whether it's down to timing, the desire to make a 'project' by trying to 'fix or heal' a man, or something that stems from a younger age and the feeling you need to 'prove yourself for love'.

But what exactly is a 'chronic fluffer', and how can you avoid becoming one yourself?

According to the dating expert, the term refers to people who try to convince a partner to have a relationship with them, even though they don't want anything serious.

'Girlfriend-fluffer' in particular is apparently used to describe women who are unintentionally preparing their current partners for their next girlfriend.

One example might be that a woman dates a man who's feeling a bit low on confidence, and after she helps him regain his mojo, he moves on into another relationship.

Sabrina Bendory explained how not to become a fluffer.
SWNS

That doesn't exactly sound like the kind of guy you'd want to hold on to in the first place, but I guess if there's a term for it, there must be some people who have fallen victim.

"You make it your mission to love this guy back to life and you think it will reward you for you loyalty but then it doesn't happen that way and he gains confidence and moves on," Bendory said.

"I know the concept very well; being the woman dating a guy and right after he marries another woman.

"What I see a lot is a guy not wanting anything serious and she stays anyway and thinks 'how I about I show him how amazing I am and change his mind,' but he's set on what he wants."

In order to avoid becoming a chronic fluffer, Bendory advised being honest with yourself about what you want from a relationship, and 'don't invest in anyone until you see they are matching the same level of investment'.

"It really comes down to who you chose and you have to chose someone who wants the same thing as you," she continued. "Don't take it personally, it's usually not personal and think about what you can learn from it."

And most importantly, don't brand yourself as 'the fluffer girl' because, according to Bendory, 'then you'll continue to be the fluffer girl'.

Here's to a fluff-free future.

Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock

Topics: Sex and Relationships