• iconNews
  • videos
  • entertainment
  • Home
  • News
    • UK News
    • US News
    • Australia
    • Ireland
    • World News
    • Weird News
    • Viral News
    • Sport
    • Technology
    • Science
    • True Crime
    • Travel
  • Entertainment
    • Celebrity
    • TV & Film
    • Netflix
    • Music
    • Gaming
    • TikTok
  • LAD Originals
    • Say Maaate to a Mate
    • Daily Ladness
    • Lad Files
    • UOKM8?
    • FreeToBe
    • Extinct
    • Citizen Reef
  • Advertise
  • Terms
  • Privacy & Cookies
  • LADbible Group
  • UNILAD
  • SPORTbible
  • GAMINGbible
  • Tyla
  • UNILAD Tech
  • FOODbible
  • License Our Content
  • About Us & Contact
  • Jobs
  • Latest
  • Topics A-Z
  • Authors
Facebook
Instagram
X
Threads
Snapchat
TikTok
YouTube

LAD Entertainment

YouTube

LAD Stories

Submit Your Content
How to tell if your partner is stonewalling you and what you can do to stop it

Home> Community

Updated 15:30 17 Mar 2024 GMTPublished 15:29 17 Mar 2024 GMT

How to tell if your partner is stonewalling you and what you can do to stop it

It's a big red flag to look out for

Chloe Rowland

Chloe Rowland

Just when you think you've heard of all the possible red flags there could be in a relationship, along comes another buzzword to throw a spanner in the works.

But this really is one you should be aware of, as it can spell out major disaster for your love life if you don't nip it in the bud.

Many people could be experiencing it without even realising or neglecting the signs, which could seriously doom your relationship.

For those not in the know, we're talking about stonewalling.

Advert

Here's the full lowdown on what it means and how you can overcome it if you think it's happening to you.

What is stonewalling and what are the signs?

Stonewalling is pretty much what it says on the tin.

Essentially, it's the inability to have difficult conversations and express emotions properly during times of conflict - whether that's retracting from the conversation, shutting down completely or giving the 'silent treatment'.

It's like there's a metaphorical wall between the person who is stonewalling and their partner - which, as you can imagine, can be pretty frustrating and difficult to navigate.

Advert

It's a big red flag.
Getty stock photo

What are the types of stonewalling?

Generally there are two types of stonewalling - unintentional and intentional - which are quite self-explanatory.

Other examples include:


  • discomfort discussing feelings
  • refusing to respond to questions
  • walking away instead of confronting
  • dismissing your partner's concerns

What causes stonewalling?

It obviously depends from person to person.

Advert

If you decide to treat someone poorly though, it's often deep-rooted in trauma, fear, anxiety and even frustration.

Those who avoid conflict, may do so because of:


  • a fear of what reaction they might get
  • an inability to handle the situation
  • an underlying hopelessness
  • an attempt to not make things worse that they actually are

Danielle Kepler, a therapist in Chicago, Illinois, told the Huffington Post: “My clients often say they have to shut down in an argument because they risk being flooded and feeling overwhelmed.

Advert

"It’s a self-protection mechanism. Knowing this, the other partner needs to be conscious of not overwhelming the stonewaller with too much information.

"I tell couples to stick to one topic at a time. When the stonewaller hears, ‘and another thing...’ it’s usually too much for them to take in. The only way out is retreat.

"Some people stonewall but then think about the issue later and might want to come back to talk more.

"That can’t happen if the partner keeps pushing and won’t let it rest."

There is hope though, so don't give up just yet.
Getty stock photo

What impact can stonewalling have on your relationship?

Experts suggest that stonewalling is one of the major red flags that a marriage won't last.

Advert

Plus, if it becomes a habit, it can lead the victim to questioning their self worth and end up escalating situations unnecessarily, which can lead to further confrontation and the build-up of frustrations in your relationship.

Safe to say, if you notice it becoming a frequent thing in your relationship, things probably aren't looking good - but that doesn't mean there's no hope.

How do you stop stonewalling?

For the person who feels like they're stonewalling, experts at The Gottman Institute recommend asking for a break if an argument or difficult chat feels like it's getting too much.

This might sound a bit weird as it could be seen as another version of stonewalling, but the experts explain that if you and your partner can calmly agree on when to take a break and honour it, it can stop you feeling so overwhelmed.

The next thing the relationship boffins recommend is learning how to self soothe and regulate your emotions using breath work.

There are things you can do to help.
Getty stock photo

As for the person on the receiving end, Vikki Stark, a psychotherapist and the director of the Sedona Counselling Center of Montreal, suggests: "Accept the fact that people who stonewall may need to work through things in smaller bites and avoid discussing every problem in the relationship all at once.

"Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you fell in love with them because they were witty and funny or because they were giving or helpful. Let them use their better qualities to turn things around. Tell them things you’d like to see changed. Sure, you might risk nagging but at least you’re giving your partner (and your relationship) a chance,” Aaron Anderson, a marriage and family therapist in Denver, Colorado, added.

If all of this fails, it's highly recommended that you seek couples' counselling to work through the issues at play.

Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock Images

Topics: Dating trends, Sex and Relationships, Mental Health

Chloe Rowland
Chloe Rowland

Chloe Rowland is a Sub Editor and Journalist at LADbible Group. She graduated from The University of Salford with a BA Multimedia Journalism degree in 2019 but has continued to use the fact she has a Blue Peter badge as her biggest flex.

Advert

Advert

Advert

Choose your content:

14 hours ago
a day ago
2 days ago
  • 14 hours ago

    Woman’s mukbang video inhaling entire claw of lobster is leaving people seriously unsettled

    Users on social media have been shocked by the viral mukbang footage

    Community
  • 14 hours ago

    Woman who runs legal brothel shares the 'one truth' she has found out from industry

    Former PhD student Catherine De Noire manages one of Europe's largest brothels

    Community
  • a day ago

    Therapist explains five 'subtle' signs your relationship could be ending soon

    Time for a hot girl summer?

    Community
  • 2 days ago

    American living in the US is dedicated to becoming a fully blown scouser

    People reckon the lad is doing a decent job at morphing into a Liverpudlian

    Community
  • 10 things you should never say to your partner if you want your relationship to survive, expert says
  • Relationship expert shares five warning signs ‘you can do better’ than your partner
  • Psychotherapist reveals best age to get married if you don’t want it to end in disaster
  • 7 common signs to look out for that indicate your partner could be cheating on you