Before Ali Wong was driving like a maniac, plotting against Steven Yeun, and doing very questionable things with a gun in Netflix's new show Beef, she was spreading warnings to women about dating men with micropenises.
The actor, writer and comedian dedicated an entire stand-up set to warn women against 'falling for' the trap that she once fell for while dating a man with a smaller d**k.
Wong, who is known for her raw and unapologetic stand-up style, spoke in her Netflix comedy special Hard Knock Wife about the differences between straight men and women while dating in their 20s.
Advert
"Everybody knows the secret now," she began.
"When a woman sleeps with a man right away, it's not because we don't respect ourselves. It's because we don't respect you," sparking whoops and cheers from the crowd.
"We don't see you as marriage material, that's why we let your d**k inside so fast. By letting you in, we're really kicking you out of our future."
After pausing for dramatic effect, she continued: "But you better be careful, because when a man doesn't sleep with you right away, it's not because he respects you.
Advert
"It's because he has a small d**k and he's trying to trap you."
Joking that this is possibly one of the worst things that could happen to a single heterosexual women, she urged the audience: "Do not fall for that trap. I'm going to repeat that s**t to my daughter over and over and over again."
If you're wondering how the Beef star jumped to that conclusion, it's because she's got a little experience in this area.
"I fell for that s**t once," she confessed, clearly still a little shaken up by the experience.
Advert
"Fell in love and into a semi-long-term relationship with a man who kept on wanting to wait to have sex and I assumed it's because he thought I was so special and amazing and worth waiting for - he was hiding something!"
She explained that when he was finally ready to get down and dirty with her, she was presented with 'this tiny mess of a thing that wouldn't even reach your molars.'
Now, that's quite the visual.
Ali joked that on that day, which was the 'first and last time [she] had ever seen an actual micropenis', her first reaction was to ask him if he was okay and if he had been in some sort of accident.
Yikes.
Advert
Although she has sworn off micropenises for good, Ali Wong made a very strange transition while filming for Netflix's Beef, in which her character Amy, ahem, masturbates with a gun.
The whole thing is pretty wild and has sparked a huge reaction from viewers, but Ali has been quite outspoken about the uncomfortable scene.
"It’s one of those scenes where you think you’ll be nervous but I really wasn’t. It felt real. So I didn’t really think about it too much," she told Variety.
Advert
"Amy has a lot of shame. When she says in the finale, ‘I don’t want anybody to see me’ – you know, so many people desperately want to be seen, and she’s like, ‘Oh, no, I really don’t want people to see me’.
“That’s one of those things that she doesn’t want people to see, you know? She’s done something she wouldn’t even tell a best friend, and probably wouldn’t write even in a journal because she’d be too scared of someone reading it and finding out."
Topics: Netflix, Sex and Relationships, Celebrity
Ali Condon