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Celebrity beefs aren't exactly what they used to be. Back in the day there were rumours of Slipknot jumping Fred Durst while he performed on stage. Eminem would call out everyone under the sun. And Noel Gallagher once said of Blur: "I hope each and every one of them die in a pool of their own vomit."
Nowadays it's all a bit safe - everything is 'amazing' to artists. "They're amazing, that's amazing, I think it's amazing," is the type of thing you hear. So much so that when you see that Ed Sheeran is trending because he smashed Justin Bieber in the face with a golf club, it's not even remotely 'a beef', it's not even a rib.
However, you have to admit that the 'Shape of You' singer revealing how he ended up trying to send Bieber's teeth down a fairway is a half-decent story.
Speaking to The Guardian, he recounted a time when he managed to get blind drunk, while the Canadian pop sensation was still stone cold sober, which eventually led to the latter's security guard watching on as the head of a driver met Justin's cheek.
"We were in Japan. We'd been out to a dive bar. He just drank water and I got hammered," he said. "Then we went to a golf course, and he lay on the floor and put a golf ball in his mouth and told me to hit it."
At this point you have to question whether it was really water that Bieber was drinking, because it doesn't seem like a sober thought to have. Nevertheless, you can't really blame Ed for inflicting the damage, he's out of his mind drunk. No matter what status the 'What Do U Mean' singer currently has, it's impossible to pass up the opportunity of a free hit.
"I was like, 'Fuck, I need to aim this properly,' and I swung," Sheeran continued. "And you know in films when someone gets punched, and you hear that fake sound, like a slap? But in real life when someone gets punched, you hear that dull thud, a bit sickening? I heard a sound like the last one, and saw his security guard looking at me like.
"I'd cracked Justin Bieber right in the cheek with a golf club. That was - one of those 'What the fuck?' moments."
It's better than a story about just genuinely going for a round of golf, to be honest, which is the type of mundane story you get out of celebs these days.
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