Christmas Day is what we call a 'biggie', isn't it? Probably the biggest 'biggie' going.
As it's that time of year again, I've decided to try and piece together all the various stages of December 25th. The highs, the lows, the highs, the lows. Essentially, it's a very dramatic 24 hours.
Here's why.
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WAKING UP WITH A HANGOVER
Waking up as an adult on Christmas day is not just different in a personal sense, but physical, too. Anyone over the age of 16, and in the UK, will probably have to be woken up as well, given the fact they got in at 4am. The days of rising and shining at dawn and jumping on your mum and dad's bed are gone. If you did that now it'd just be weird. Shame, really.
Yes, Christmas Eve, the best night of the year, where every person in the world seems to be on Prozac - and that includes the worst imaginable people from your high school - always gets spent well.
You probably told some guy you knew briefly from Year 10 that you should go for a pint on Boxing Day. Checking your phone after you've washed your face under the tap the next morning, you see that he's sent a text you saying, 'Merry Xmas bud! Still on for tomorrow?'
Rough. You choose to leave it and/or distract yourself by going downstairs to have a gander at whatever presents are waiting for you.
THE PANG OF NOSTALGIA AND YOUTH
I may be stacked, and live a high-life of private jets, neon Absolut bottles and endless girls, but walking into the living room each December 25th is enough to resort even me to that mushy, excitable, childlike state of awe.
I don't get those people who dismiss the festive season beyond puberty and, to be brutally honest, treat them like subhuman scum. 'Christmas? Not for me. It's all commercial, mate. It's a con'. Fucking hell, what a barrel of laughs you are, mate.
Critics will either tell you that it's a capitalist bear trap or that it's a religious event celebrated by people with mostly non-religious intentions. Who cares? God forbid we enjoy a day designated to drinking beer and eating chocolate. Grow up.
Anyway, yeah, the first glimpse of Christmas morning is pretty much unbeatable.
A-HA!
We've all done the 'a-ha!' when opening presents. It's the ultimate 'I'm not quite sure what to say but a-ha will cover almost every possible contender for the time being'.
A-ha! Very good!
If there's anything that comes close to it, it's 'You know, I actually saw this when I was Christmas shopping and thought "I want that!" A-ha'.
KNOWING THAT CHRISTMAS IS BASICALLY OVER
Once the presents are doled out and opened, you get a certain sunken feeling. It's only 11:00am or something, and there's plenty of stuff to come, but there's a depleted sensation related to throwing that final wrapping paper on the floor. Maybe I need to a get a grip. My grandad went to Hiroshima a week after the bomb.
WAHEYYYYYY!!!!
Bucks Fizz? Go on then! Tinnies? Pass 'em over! Banter? Just the one, waiter!
FUCKIN' DEAD HUNGRY, ME
'Cause it's Christmas, and you're in a great mood, it's perfectly acceptable and doable to crush five tinnies in two hours. For some reason, drinking that fast leaves you a bit fresh. Fresh and hungry.
The dinner itself seems to take longer to cook than the Director's Cut of Avatar takes to watch. This feeling is mostly good.
POST-MEAL BLUES
It's a blue feeling because even though you've just put away the nicest meal of the year, you know that it's gonna do bits to your activity levels. You know that you're gonna have to take a moment and have a power nap. Maybe even make yourself a coffee once you awake from it before getting straight back on the tinnies.
Plus, in a way, everything's over. Your family is still here and the fridge is still packed. That's great, but the staples of Christmas Day have been covered.
POST-POWER NAP
Right off the bat, you'll feel pretty shocking. Groggy, dry-mouthed, disorientated. But you'll soon catch that much-needed second wind.
You might even go for a shit.
IN FACT, YOU'LL DEFINITELY GO FOR A SHIT
Christmas dinner, you've been a great guest, but it's time for you to fuck off out of my body and make way for the Quality Street.
A MIXTURE OF JOY, ANGER, ANTICIPATION AND DISGUST DURING GAME TIME
Joy for when you're winning. Anger for when you aren't. Anticipation for a question you know you won't get and disgust at the older team by sheer fortune of experience.
IT;SDDKFNFKKSDRRRRKNNDGGGGPASSUSS GETUZZTINNIELAD
I'Ve jus opened a fourth crate. Jesus, how much is what? How much then? You what. Love a bev. Love Christmas, me. Have tha.
TIREDFFFAFF WOWBLECH
Tha whiskey dad gt us rele dunt touch tha sides does it. Shit. Ond minite am fine, next am dribblin. Bed time.
ONERANOTHONEMOERFUK
Fukin fidpogsdnvnfdeerrrrrr.gds[i[gdofinieruibibbubuubuybfdbuhbvhjhbdjhbjhsjdbdfjhbhgfdvbjsdhfhbvoqewwerrrrrrrrtttogrbtbogfbobghfbeen a gud day.
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Featured Image Credit: BBC
Featured Image Credit:Topics: Xmas