What The British Think Is Weird About America, From A Brit

Yesterday we ran a story about an American Vogue writer who wrote a list of all the things she found weird about UK life. It got a lot of you talking, so I thought I'd compile a bunch of stuff I personally don't like/understand about the US of A.

Disclaimer: I've been to the States and I love it, but this is only fair game. I was gonna come up with 50, you know, because of the states themselves, but I got bored - so you'll have to meet me halfway.

1. I'll just get the messy one out of the way. Guns. Bro, our estimations of you don't rely on your gun ownership, but actually the opposite. You'd still be cool without them.
2. Adverts in between the end of a TV show and the credits. Just adverts in general, really.
3. Food portions. Fucking hell, it's just out of order. I remember coming back from America and eating salad for two weeks. I heard that, way back when, German immigrant miners would ask for giant, beefy portions of food to prep them for the constant, arduous drill of hard-labour. After that, it became the norm and now giant burgers and the rest of it are consumed willy-nilly because I suppose bigger is better.
4. Tipping. Over here, we'll tip a restaurant and maybe a taxi driver when hammered, but that's about it. Americans on the other hand would probably tip a cash machine.
5. The drinking age. It's 21 in the States. Why do you hate young people?
6. Flag bikini. It's nice, don't get me wrong. I'd dread to see the state of someone wearing a Union Jack swimsuit in the UK.
7. Gaps in cubicle doors. You guys just love perverts or something?
8. Pretending you don't have a class system.
9. Massive suburban streets. This isn't really a problem and just makes sense, I guess. I'm just jealous. Your front gardens are bigger than our streets.
10. American spelling.
11. Black Friday. What? Fuck off. That's not a holiday, that's just shopping.
12. Thanksgiving. Again, this is just jealousy. Bit OTT to us but maybe that's the appeal.
13. Not to be "that guy" but American Football. The name is a straight up nab and you know it. Plus, it's played primarily with your hands.
14. Baseball. Makes cricket look like bullfighting.
15. Dropping out of school. Maybe it's an old thing, but I've heard of so many famous people who quit high school cold turkey. Isn't that illegal?
16. Reality TV.
17. So much empty space. I know ya'll love your landscapes and your national parks but in Arizona, for example, there are just stretches of absolute fuck-all. Build some sub-states.
18. Donald Trump. Lol, what the fuck's all that about, guys? Seriously.
19. Far too cheesy. I don't just think this because cynicism is so intrinsic to Britons, but Christ - I've gone into some Hollywood films stoicism-intact and come out with Camembert frothing from my eyes.
20. Refillable drinks. You get that over here, too, and I ain't complaining. Still, it's a bit odd.
21. Religious crutch. You had Richard Feynman and now you have Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Stop rejecting these people.
22. The Founding Fathers clearly didn't give a shit about religion. Following on from the above, why does the conservative Christian right seem oblivious to this?
23. Not using your holidays. Only just heard about this one. Guys, take a break.
24. "I know, right?"
25. Pretending the Superbowl is remotely more exciting than the worst group stage at a World Cup.

Don't take this to heart, my American readership, which I know is out there. It's just banter.

Topics: America

Josh Teal

Josh Teal is a journalist at LADbible. He has contributed to the 'Knowing Me, Knowing EU' and 'UOKM8?' campaigns interviewing everyone from student drug dealers to climate change activists.

@tealioni