Experts reveal why 'micro-cheating' happens and ways you can stop it

Yes, it's another dating term to add to your repertoire as if there weren't already enough of those going around.

You're all up on the lingo of 'beige flags', know full well the pain of getting 'zombied', have a masters degree in 'phubbing' and don't get the feeling that your brain is leaking out of your ears from sheer despair when someone tells you about 'frog-ization'.

Since you know all of these terms you won't mind if we chuck another one on the pile for you to learn, and that's 'micro-cheating'.

You surely know what it means to cheat in a relationship, but it's understandable if you're scratching your head over what micro-cheating is meant to be.

Fear not, dear reader, as we've got all your answers right here.

"Yes, I still swipe through Tinder from time to time but I never message anyone! Honest." (Getty Stock Photo)

What is micro-cheating?

Dating expert Mel Schilling, who you might know for being one of the experts on Married at First Sight , refers to micro-cheating as ‘a series of seemingly small actions that indicate a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship’.

Meanwhile, therapist Brianna Paruolo told Today that micro-cheating is all about 'small acts that exist on the borders of infidelity'.

It's the little things that one could argue don't really qualify as cheating, but you really shouldn't be doing in a relationship.

It'll chip away at the trust in a relationship until you're not sure what to think of the person who ought to be your nearest and dearest.

It might involve going on dating apps even if you're in a relationship, or declining to tell someone attractive you've struck up a rapport with that you're already in a relationship.

Micro-cheating could also include sending possibly flirtatious messages to another person, though some people might just see that as cheating with nothing 'micro' about it.

"Just a nice, platonic hand on the knee like co-workers do, so I won't tell her about my girlfriend who bought me this pink tie." (Getty Stock Photo)

What’s the difference between flirting and micro-cheating?

Depending on who you ask flirting is micro-cheating, so there's not a great deal of distance between them.

However, micro-cheating is a wider-ranging thing which covers more bases in possible emotional infidelity.

Another relationship expert, Susan Winter, told The Independent that micro-cheating was 'certainly testing the borders of emotional cheating', and flirting 'is the act of fanning a spark that can easily spread to a flame'.

People might like to have the occasional flirt every now and then, but the intention behind a person's actions is everything.

It also matters what boundaries exist in a relationship, as some couples aren't going to mind a few meaningless words spoken to someone else while others don't want to see their beloved flirting with anyone else.

"Just a bit of flirting with my 'work wife', I promise it doesn't mean anything." (Getty Stock Photo)

What causes micro-cheating?

Counsellor William Schroeder said that it was important to communicate on the boundaries and limits within a relationship in order for those involved to know where they stood.

He said: "You're allowed to be upset, but focus on progressing instead of focusing on who is right.

"Maybe you and your partner have felt distant or disconnected lately. Why? Get to the core of that and look for how to reconnect."

Going back to that idea of micro-cheating as being 'emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship', it would seem as though the cause is often someone focusing more of their attention on someone who is not their partner.

At the end of the day the root cause of micro-cheating is someone micro-cheating, it seems simplistic to say it but the foundation of it all is someone doing something when they could otherwise not.

"Do I need to be more honest with myself about what's going on here? This is more than a friendly peck on the cheek." (Getty Stock Photo)

How can you stop micro-cheating from happening?

If you're the one micro-cheating, the obvious answer is don't f**king do it.

To go into slightly more detail, the first step is to realise you're doing it, as one of the main things is 'secrecy'.

Recognising your own behaviours in a relationship is a key component of it, as is confronting yourself over what you're doing.

If you're in a relationship with someone who you fear is micro-cheating, the experts suggest that you try to figure out where this behaviour is stemming from and to communicate with honesty and openness.

Paruolo suggests you talk to your partner and focus on how their behaviour is making you feel instead of accusing them of doing things.

The experts also suggested that you seek to establish firm boundaries as micro-cheating lives on that line between what's acceptable and isn't, a more defined boundary helps make it clear to your partner what's ok and what isn't.