Sex expert explains why single women are 'roster dating' with older men
Sex experts have given a bit of an explanation as to why single women are ‘roster dating’.
While dating trends like ‘submarining’ or ‘zombieing’ are ones to avoid, having a ‘roster’ really seems to have come into its own for ladies this year.
And with older men included in the mix, it allows singles to change up their patterns and divert from the more traditional expectations of looking for relationships.
Or, even less traditionally, it allows women to date without intending to actually get into a commitment. Because girls just wanna have fun too and all that.
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The use of ‘roster’ in this way does seem like a bit of American slang, but it’s still one for us Brits getting our dating into a rotation.
What is 'roster dating'?
Different to polyamory, as there isn’t exactly any relationships involved to make open, roster dating is for the ‘particularly horny and well-organised’ daters of today.
It typically means having a few people on your ‘roster’, maybe one that you go out for fun dates with, or one for seeing on the weekend and perhaps one that’s always on hand for a spontaneous quickie. Maybe you even have a date in the mix to be your go-to plus one for events and gatherings.
Some singles might seek out an ‘older’ person to add to their roster while some might go a little younger to see what Gen Z are vibing with now adays.
One dater told British Vogue that having a roster helps them ‘maintain perspective and not feel too bound to anyone’ as others say it’s a good way to remember you have ‘plenty of options’.
What are the benefits of 'roster dating'?
Better go check who's next up in the roster (Getty Stock Images)
Get to know yourself better
Relationships coach and author Marina Lazariz explained: “Dating multiple people offers a path to deepening one’s relationship with oneself.”
She added that it can help make dating a ‘journey of self-discovery’ as people can explore what they actually want and are looking for in a partner rather than becoming overly invested in one person too quickly.
Confidence
Plus, while other dating trends might bring us down, roster dating can help build people’s confidence.
“Seeing different people is like a masterclass in relationship skills,” said sexologist Marie Morice. “It requires emotional intelligence, the ability to read cues, set boundaries, keep an open and curious mind and practise healthy communication.”
Although some people think roster dating can be a sign that someone is ‘emotionally unavailable’, so it’s all about making sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.
Clearer decisions
“When a person has options, they make choices rationally and intuitively, not out of fear or desperation,” licensed psychotherapist Lisa Chen told Bustle. “They tend to notice how they genuinely feel around each person, rather than forcing a long-term fit too quickly.”
Honesty is the best policy
Honesty is a big part of things though, as men’s dating coach Sara Tick told Business Insider it’s wise to assume everyone else is roster dating.
And so, it’s important to be honest if you want to lock in with someone and to be honest back if you don't want to get serious.
“It's always kinder to end things as opposed to letting them drag on when you're just not as into it,” the therapist added.
Topics: Dating trends, Sex and Relationships
Jess Battison