Should you ever be in the mood to travel to the place marketed as the 'world's best sex hotel', then you'll need to take a trip to Jamaica and visit Hedonism II.
According to them, they're an 'an all-inclusive, adults-only, clothing optional resort where inhibitions can be left at the door and the thrill of discovery awaits around every corner'.
They've got all the things you'd expect a beach resort to have, along with a 'playroom', beaches and pools where nudity is mandatory, and something called the 'Kama Sutra Palace', which you're unlikely to find at your local Travelodge or Premier Inn.
This place has theme nights, puts on live shows, holds lessons in oral sex, and bills itself as the 'world's most famous adult playground' where grown-ups get to have the most fun they can with no need to have clothes on.
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One sympathises with the cleaning staff.
A sex themed gym opened up there recently and is run by a couple who set up their own such establishment back in the US.
It's not all a constant cavalcade of coitus, though, as guests do occasionally have to come up for air, rehydration and refreshments.
Hedonism II has a beach grill, chop house, a restaurant which blends Italian and Jamaican cuisine and a Japanese Teppanyaki restaurant, while the more romantic (and wealthy) guests can have a private candlelit dinner by the seaside.
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Of course, no resort would be complete without a selection of bars and clubs, and should you be planning a trip, please remember that the pole dancing night is on Wednesday.
From the looks of things, you could pretty much go there and have a luxurious seaside stay without much sex or nudity, but that'd be like going to a pizza place and only ordering a starter.
If you're going to Hedonism II, you'll probably want to make use of their playroom, and you'll be pleased to know they've extended the hours it's open due to popular demand.
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In there is a place for you and whoever else consents to be there with you to explore your sexual desires, while there's also a spot called the 'Happening Hut', which is a little cabin by the resort's nude pool.
Those wanting a better look inside these spaces can check out the hotel website, where they have plenty of pictures of various spots in the hotel, often accompanied by guests with bare buttocks.
As they put it, 'you've got to go to know', the nature of a place like Hedonism II means privacy needs to be respected, and there are some spaces where cameras aren't allowed for obvious reasons.
According to Scott and April Shirley, the couple who set up the sex-themed gym at Hedonism II, visitors to the Kama Sutra Palace can expect to find plenty of mattresses in there, and it's a location where you can 'discover your multi-orgasmic potential'.
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I'll let you put the pieces together on that one, dear reader.
However, don't expect to get there for peanuts as it'll be at least a couple of hundred quid a night per person, but if this sounds like your sort of thing, perhaps that's a bargain.
Topics: Travel, Sex and Relationships, Holiday
Joe Harker