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Have consistent, shit luck in the casino? End up trying to force a natural, jammy smile on your way out so the reception people don't guess that you're £280 in the hole? Hate seeing the unsatisfied faces of full-time gamblers when a simple £1 split on roulette makes you jump off your chair in joy? Then you'll love this video.
Here we have Brazilian businessman Pedro Grendene Bartelle being filmed betting $35,000 on a single roulette spin in the Hotel Conrad in Punta del Este, Uruguay. Watch as he and his cronies do a huddle-hug upon learning that Bartelle's bet has landed him $3.5 million. Yep.
Now, of course, to people betting five figures in a casino, returns into the millions maybe isn't that peculiar, but this is still something. Sure, this cameraman pans away at exactly the wrong time, but it's still something. Those stacked chips ain't CGI.
Roulette, unlike blackjack or poker, is all about luck, no matter how much we try to kid ourselves. But if you know want to up your chances with replacement placebo effects, there are certain tips.
The first being to not go on any other roulette table than a European one, as they're the ones which will have a green zero square above the standard 36 red and black squares. It bumps up the casino's advantage to 2.7%, but not as much as Americanised tables - which feature two green squares - and bumps the houses' chances up to 5.26%.
Look at the patterns on the screen beside the table, and if there's been a string of reds in a row, the next spin will definitely fall on black. Don't let your sober friends tell you otherwise.
If you have tenner in pounds left, put them all down on single numbers. Even if you don't land a single, you'll still feel good spreading them across the table like a baller. When they don't come in, draw out more money. Cause that's the money that will win your lost money back.
If someone next to you is doing terrifically, inexplicably well and you aren't, punch them in the face and steal their chips.
At the end of the day, no matter what you do, a casino won't kick you out. It makes sense to keep the idiots inside.
Go get 'em!
Disclaimer: do not pay attention to any of the above tips nor perform them at any casino anywhere in the world, except the first about European tables. If you punch someone and steal their money, you will suffer the consequences.
But seriously, if you think your odd gambling sesh is getting out of hand, head to Gamble Aware.
Featured image credit: PA
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