Husband's Requests To Guy Porking His Wife

When people discover that their missus is cheating on them, there are different approaches.

Most of the populace opt for full-on confrontation, catching them in the act, starting a shouting match and then beating 50 shades of shit out of the man doing the dirty. Others pretend that they're not phased by it, letting the whole sexcapade pass them by and moving on.

This guy went for a totally unique approach, though, by leaving a list of requests for the man shagging his wife.

The victim of the affair posted his desires on Craigslist, seemingly not arsed about the fact some other geezer is 'giving it' to his wife. While his reasonable requests are quite polite, there is something sinister about them. You could imagine that if he'd asked him these things face to face, he'd be stood there with a nice smile, though he'd be holding a meat cleaver in his hand.

Credit: Craigslist

Among other statements, he has this to say.

"After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, I run out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty (thanks)."

"Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my five-year-old son believes if it's not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recommend a better spot?"

"Please stop leaving the seat up. I am starting to get blamed and it is starting to get old."

And, "You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit... but please leave a few as I have to be there longer than you."

He's obviously come to understand that after a cheeky little session, albeit behind his back, a beer is much needed. As to not deny his fellow man of that pleasure, he's given him the simple option to replace the ones that are drank. That's very, very reasonable.

However, wiping your sexual fluid covered dick on someone else's clothes, especially when it's the man whose wife you're banging, just isn't on. Our poor man has had to go to work with another man's custard embedded into his jumper, making it crusty. Nobody needs that, but for some reason he's willing to let it slide for now.

Obviously breaking the bro code by sleeping with another man's other half behind his back is a step too far. But the infidel in this situation should count his lucky stars he's not being filmed in his birthday suit being thrown out of the house, because that's what usually happens.

And on that note I'm off fishing.

Featured image credit: Universal Pictures

Mark McGowan

Mark is a journalist at LADbible, who joined in 2015 after a year as a freelance writer. In the past he blogged for independent football fan channel Redmen TV, after graduating from Staffordshire University with degrees in journalism and English literature. He has worked on campaigns such as UOKM8? and IIOC.