Council launches 'paint that pees back' to stop people publicly urinating at Cheltenham races
Cheltenham races are only a month away and the town has declared a 'war on wee' to deal with all the people who couldn't find a toilet in time and emptied their bladder in a public place.
Thousands of people descend upon the town to watch the horse racing, with plenty looking to put bets on and hoping they don't see any of the horses die this year.
With so many people showing up, locals are getting sick to the back teeth of the hordes of punters who use their town as a toilet, with the local council saying people are 'brazenly' relieving themselves in public even when temporary places to have a pee have been set up.
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While many people might have been caught short at one time or another and felt the need to find a quiet corner to pee in at some point in our lives, over 25,000 people are expected to rock up at Cheltenham next month.
They are pretty much all going to need a wee at some point in their visit and the council is aiming to deter them from choosing the side of the nearest building as their preferred p***ing point.
The council's secret weapon in this fight against the public pee-ers is 'paint that pees back', the ultimate Uno reverse card against public urination.
Officially it's called 'hydrophobic paint' and councillor Max Wilkinson is hoping that a pot of paint will perhaps persuade pragmatic pee-ers against peeing in public.
He said: "Public urination at any time is disgusting and we shouldn't have to put up with this anymore.
"Last year, I saw a line of men brazenly weeing against a wall near the town centre, while hundreds of people sat in traffic queues just yards away - they were totally shameless."
"I'm sure the prospect of wet trousers will make people think twice, even if they think they won't get caught and fined."
I'm sure you're bursting to know his this 'paint that pees back' actually works, and we wouldn't let you go without telling you.
It's a specially chemically-formulated paint designed to repel liquids - whether that be water or the stuff Bear Grylls is always telling you to drink.
This paint makes any surface it's daubed over difficult for water to stick to, so if you peed against it your p**s stream would bounce off and in theory rebound back onto you.
When you pee against a surface that water sticks to well it trickles down and you're largely protected against any possible splashback, but this hydrophobic paint stops the water from sticking.
No more would you be the person who disappeared off down a side street and emerged a couple of minutes later hoping nobody offered you a handshake.
Now you'd be the muggins stuck trying to work out how to hide the fact that his trousers and shoes are coated in urine, and wouldn't you feel foolish then?
Joe Harker