Father who ‘watched son die without realising it’ opens up about tragic promise he made him
Warning: This article contains discussion of suicide, which some readers may find distressing.
It's been 10 years since Edward Mallen took his own life just a few hundred yards from his home.
From the outside, the young teenager seemed to have a happy life; a 'high performance individual' with a place at Cambridge University awaiting him, he was voted most likely to become prime minister by his classmates, and was a talented cricket player.
But aged just 18, Edward killed himself. His story, sadly, is not unique, but it highlights how so many young people have been let down by a system that was supposed to protect them in their hour of need.
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Following his tragic death, Edward's father, Steve Mallen CBE, made him a promise, and has spent every day since striving to change how we as a society treat these issues, setting up mental health organisations such as the Zero Suicide Alliance and The MindEd Trust.
He is also part of the National Suicide Prevention Group within the Department of Health & Social Care (DHSC).
Speaking to LADbible about his journey since the tragic passing of his son, Steve explained that while his family had a 'comfortable professional background', typically representing a 'stable environment', they weren't immune from the devastating impact of a mental health crisis.
"We were not affected by a lot of the triggers that cause challenges to young people that lead to mental illness, but like most parents, we knew nothing whatsoever about mental health," the father-of-three says, adding that it was once 'taboo' to speak about.
Noting that there has been a 'revolution' in how we view mental health, Steve said every member of society has a 'duty of care to learn about mental illness'.
Despite an increase in awareness in recent times, though, the number in suicides per 100,000 for those aged 15-19 sits at 5.5 as of 2023, an increase from the figure of 3.9 just 10 years prior, according to the Office for National Statistics (ONS).
Steve revealed that Edward became ill 'very quickly and very catastrophically'.
Openly admitting that the family had no idea about his condition, he said his son desperately looked for help and didn't get it.
"He told the mental health specialist that he was very unwell, that he was thinking of taking his own life," Steve, who was named in the New Year Honours List for his services to mental health and suicide prevention, recalls.
"He actually asked the mental health nurse, 'Would you please tell my mum?' And nobody ever told us. He made a request which was ignored.
"500 things needed to go wrong in order for him to take his own life. And they all did."
In his son's official medical notes, the grieving father discovered they had recorded him as having a 'clean shirt', and that he 'made eye contact and shook your hand'.
"My son presented as clinically depressed and deeply suicidal... but because he presented as a nice, polite young man, they thought to themselves, 'He couldn't possibly be ill'," Steve tells us.
The family found out about Edward's tragic passing together, when police officers showed up at their home.
"Some very large policemen walked into my dining room with crackling radios and informed us that Edward had died." Steve explains, reliving the moment. "He died 500 yards from our front door, in a village where we lived."
The traumatic experience caused the family to seek professional help, particularly for Edward's younger brother and sister.
Following the darkest point in their childhoods, both of his siblings have gone on to do 'very well' with their education and careers, but their father emphasised: "They had a childhood which you would never wish on any child in any walk of life."
All the good that Steve has done can be traced back to one moment during his son's funeral, which he recalls 'was overflowing' with TV cameras also present.
"I made my son a public promise that I would investigate his untimely death," he explains, adding: "All that I've achieved in the past 10 years basically comes down to a father's promise to his departed son."
And it's been Steve's will and drive to make good on this oath that has kept him going.
"My son was dying right in front of me, and I couldn't see it," he admits."It's almost like a Shakespearean play, there are lots of characters, and I'm one of them.
"I will forever think that I might have been able to save my son."
Living up to his promise hasn't been easy, as the DHSC member said that he 'did his homework' before meetings with politicians, leaders of the NHS and charities, ensuring that he 'was probably the most knowledgeable person in the room'.
A key part of his mission for the UK is to aim for 'zero suicides', pointing out: "Zero is not a target, but if zero isn't the right number, what is? How many suicides are acceptable? The answer is, none."
The dad's work with the Zero Suicide Alliance is to ensure people are educated on mental illness and can also get the help they need through their community before it escalates to something much more serious.
"Look after your mate," Steve tells me. "It's that bloody simple, particularly for young men."
When asked about what needs to change within the NHS, he simply says we need to 'give them less to do'.
"Stop people getting so ill in the first place," he says plainly. "It doesn't take a genius to work out that prevention is better than curing."
And while he admits he that while he was 'pleased' to have been awarded his CBE, it could not help but be overshadowed by depth of love he has for his son and the tragedy of his passing.
"The fact remains, the suicide rate in this country is far too high. So for all that I've achieved, the challenge is still there," he says.
Steve and his family have managed to piece their lives back together, slowly, and bit by bit, doing an enormous amount of good for others along the way. But the scars from that day, 10 years ago, will always remain.
"Imagine being in a horrible car accident, waking up in hospital and finding that one of your legs had been amputated," Steve says, summing up his life now. "You'd take inspiration from other people that have been through similar, you might even learn to walk on crutches.
"Eventually, they might even give you an artificial leg and make you a bionic man, you might even run in the Paralympics and win a medal. But make no mistake - you will always have a limp."
If you would like more information on mental health, thanks to Steve's work, you can visit the Zero Suicide Alliance website, or you can follow The MindEd Trust charity on social media, which was founded in honour of his son.
And if you’ve been affected by any of these issues and want to speak to someone in confidence, please don’t suffer alone. Call Samaritans for free on their anonymous 24-hour phone line on 116 123.
Topics: Mental Health, Education, UK News, Health
Joshua Nair