Man Rushed To Hospital After Suffering Horrific Injury From Overly Aggressive Masturbation

There’s no easy way to put this, but a 20-year-old man from Switzerland was recently admitted to intensive care because he masturbated so hard that his lungs started crunching. 

The unnamed individual got himself down to Cantonal Hospital in the city of Winterthur after a particularly strenuous tug left him experiencing ‘chest pain and shortness of breath’.

Doctors carried out X-rays and discovered the man was suffering from spontaneous pneumomediastinum - a condition in which air leaks from the lungs and gets trapped in the rib cage.

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The results of the Swiss man’s quite frankly mind-blowing wank were documented in the May edition of the Radiology Case Reports journal.

According to the study, he was left with ‘crackling' sounds all the way from his neck to elbows.

A definition of spontaneous pneumomediastinum on Science Direct reads: “Spontaneous pneumomediastinum is defined as free air within the mediastinum, not associated with trauma. 

“Causes include exercise, drugs, asthma, vomiting, difficult labour and Valsalva manoeuvres. It’s a rare, usually benign and self-limited condition, more prevalent in young males.”

The man even had to be rushed to the ICU to be given oxygen because his breathing was so limited. In other words, his beans were well and truly blown.

What’s more, his frenzied hand-shandying left his ‘face swollen’ and air was found trapped all the way up to the bottom of his skull.

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The study notes: “A young man at the age of 20 years (175 cm, 60 kg) was assigned to our emergency department with severe dyspnea and chest pain. He reported a sudden onset of sharp chest pain followed by shortness of breath while lying in bed masturbating.”

His ‘little session’ landed him an entire day in the ICU and three more on a regular ward.

The man was given paracetamol for his chest pain and antibiotics were prescribed to ensure he didn’t suffer an infection.

Perhaps most mind-boggling of all is the fact the patient actually consented to having his case reported in the journal.

Radiology Case Reports notes: “Written informed consent to publish this case and use anonymised radiologic material was obtained from the patient.”

To be fair, it’s not quite as bad as the poor French man who recently had fly larvae removed from his eyeball with forceps.

After paying a visit to the University Hospital of Saint-Etienne, the 53-year-old was told by doctors that they’d found ‘more than a dozen mobile, translucent larvae’ on his cornea, which was probably some of the least fun news he’s been delivered in a while.