Sperm 'extraction machine' invented for men who are too embarrassed to masturbate in hospitals

For some people, masturbation is difficult, both to do and to discuss.

While some men are never more comfortable than getting their little fella out for a good time, others are a bit more timid.

And this kind of anxiety is magnified tenfold when they have to drop trou in a strange setting. But help is at hand, so to speak:

If you've ever found yourself at a donor centre looking to offer a bit of yourself into the world, you may have noticed that the sanitised setting of a medical room isn't quite the mojo starter you might have thought.

So it can be a little tricky to get yourself ready for action.

Well, some boffins over in China have come up with a genius way of removing every ounce of embarrassment from the entire process: a robot vagina.

I mean, what says 'totally at ease' like sliding your luncheon truncheon into a mechanical sex hole?

Brought to you by the good people at Jiangsu Sanwe, the device essentially mimics a real vagina, making the sperm donor more comfortable than they otherwise would be if they were left to sort themselves out with a couple of dirty mags.

Sanwe Group/YouTube

According to the firm, it comes complete with a massage pipe, variable speeds, pressure and temperature, as well as an adjustable height to meet the requirements of the end user.

Oh, and the 'isolation pad' to capture your deposit.

Speaking back in 2019 about the nifty piece of kit, Sanwe chairman Ding Guijiang said it would help a lot of people.

He said: "Nowadays the amount of sperm [in semen] has dramatically decreased. Hospitals mostly use masturbation as a method [to collect sperms] and they don't provide a venue or equipment for the task.

"This makes collecting sperm on the spot very difficult. Under such circumstances, in order to meet clinical demands, we invented this automatic sperm extractor equipment, which is also friendly to use."

Discussing its likeness to a real vagina, Ding said: "In terms of temperature, wetness and amount of light, it is able to meet certain standards and simulate a vagina.

"Meanwhile, it can also replicate the physical movements of sexual intercourse by moving back and forth.

"Also [it simulates] vaginal contraction, which cannot be realised by the normal human body. It is able to, by a huge extent, provide comprehensive coverage and pressure."

Sanwe Group/YouTube

But while some of you may not back the idea, it actually went down a storm with a lot of patients in China.

According to Li Siming, a doctor of Urological Consultation at Shanghai Pudong Hospital, dozens of his patients used the device every month.

He said: "This device is much more efficient than masturbation. But there are still some weaknesses, for instance it cannot exactly simulate the temperature and wetness of a vagina.

"Also, the device may not fit as well when compared to human beings. After all, it is made out of plastic and metal."

If you're looking to get your hands on one, they're currently available on the world wide web for around £2,500.

That may or may not be used.