Woman who hadn't had sex with partner for months asked question that 'changed everything'
A sex therapist who'd only had sex once with her husband in a year has explained what she did to reignite things in the bedroom.
Social media these days means that we all probably know far too much about each other, and that includes learning about random people's sex lives on the internet.
It seems as if more and more people are exploring different methods of keeping their relationships spicy, whether that's exploring role play or the bigger step of welcoming a new face (or faces) into the bedroom.
While we all seem to want to be told how much sex we should be having and how long it should last and what it means for our relationships, the reality is that it should always be up to us and our partner to do what makes us most comfortable.
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But inevitably when you're living with someone and you grow a bit older, life can sometimes get in the way and your sex life can dry up.
That's exactly what happened to psychologist and sex therapist Dr Kate Balestrieri, author of What Happened to My Sex Life?
Despite her experience in the field, she ended up going several months without being intimate with her husband.
'I'd somehow lost my connection to physical intimacy'
In an article for the Daily Mail, she wrote: "It had got so bad, I was ready to leave him in order to reconnect with myself and desire. I loved sex - the study of it, the sounds, the smell, the feel, and, of course, the pleasure.
"But, over time, I'd somehow lost my connection to physical intimacy. It happened because of everything and nothing. There was no one thing to point at because there were many seemingly small or insignificant reasons."
However, things took a turn when the doctor asked her partner a brave question, which allowed them both to reassess their relationship and their desires for each other.
She went on: "After a few months of feeling no interest in sex with my partner and feeling no desire or attempts to initiate from him either, I asked him: 'Are you even attracted to me anymore?'
Learning to listen to their bodies and give space
"When we first connected, we both eagerly initiated sex. We revelled in how great our sex life was together - the most synergistic sexual pairing we'd each experienced. But when the lockdown started, we were suddenly living together, and he started initiating sex less and less."
She continued: "After I dropped my bombshell question, my partner immediately assured me he was attracted to me, but that he didn't feel sexy. We'd become a little too comfortable ordering in dinner and watching TV after work."
Fortunately, that seemed to do the trick as they both agreed to listen to their bodies a bit more and be intimate when they both felt that way, but also give each other space to do things by themselves.
They focused less on how society tells them they should be together and what they should do and instead prioritised themselves.
She concludes: "Eventually, we revisited the topic of sex, but this time without an agenda or a plan. Instead, we explored our fantasies out loud without fretting if one or both of us had no interest in entertaining them in the moment.
"Little by little, our resistance to being sexual together gave way to intimate touch and innuendo. This shift came from a place of want - not obligation or expectation. It had taken work and time, but finally, we both started to feel authentic desire again."
So folks, remember to be honest with yourselves and your partners, because you never know how one conversation might change everything.
James Moorhouse