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It's probably worth me pointing out here that the above image isn't of the lad in question, but a screenshot from the movie 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off', which is a lit film and if you haven't watched it yet then you should probably get on that shit as soon as you finish reading this article.
A 12-year-old lad in Germany drove a car over 100 miles with a friend, claiming his reason for doing so was to visit his grandparents.
The Metro has reported that on Thursday night, the boy snatched his parents' car and drove to his grandparents' home alongside a 13-year-old mate, without getting into an accident.
Now a lot of other news organisations covering this story are taking this boy's words for it and reporting that his motive for driving that car was to visit his grandparents. But I'm just going to stop right here and call bullshit on this story - because apparently I'm the only journalist out there who remembers what it's like to be a 12-year-old boy.
Now I'm sure this kid loves his little ol' grandmom and pops as much as the next guy, but anyone who's ever been 12 years old will know that you act like you give zero shits about your family in front of your mates. So when you factor in the mate being in the car, the whole 'I love my granddad and grandma so much I had to drive a hundred miles to see him' excuse doesn't really add up.
Then we have the friend in the car with him. Why did he have to come? They're not his grandparents. That friend had zero reason to come other than because he wanted to join in on a ride. He wanted to feel what it was like to tear-arse down a motorway without adult supervision.
No, the truth is that the kid's reason why he nicked his parents' car has little-to-nothing to do with his grandparents - they just provided him with a cutesy motive, therefore mitigating the amount of shit he could get into when his parents found out what he'd done.
This lad's reason for driving that car was because he's 12 years old and he was chasing the most important currency there is in high school. Street cred.
Everyone at school on Monday will be thinking it's sick when they find out. The ladies will chat to him, the lads will want to be him. He will walk into 8:45am registration a God amongst men.
So, basically, the lad has weighed it up in his mind and worked out that an inevitable grounding is worth the reputation he'd have for the next six years of high school.
What's more, the route between him and his grandparents' house just so happened to mean driving on the Autobahn. So not only would he be driving a car, he'd be getting to drive it really fucking fast.
And fair play to them, before setting off the boy called his grandparents saying he'd be coming but 'couldn't wait any longer' - beginning the elaborate 'I did it because I love my grandparents so much' rouse.
The two of them then proceeded to drive off to granny's place in Bamberg without telling anyone. The parents figured this out pretty quickly and called the police, but by then it was too late - he was the king of the fucking road.
A police spokesperson told The Local: "Luckily nothing happened, which is quite unlikely if a kid gets into a motor vehicle and drives for a few kilometres, let alone for 200 kilometres."
And here we come to the final and probably the most genius part of this plan. In Germany they don't prosecute anyone below the age of 14, so the boy will not face legal consequences for his actions.
Featured image credit: Paramount Pictures
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