It's coming up to Freshers' Week, which means it's the time when a load of dull/decrepit as fuck journalists that went to Oxford or Cambridge (or wherever else most shithead journalists go to university), gear up to give you some cliché - mostly shit - advice about how to prepare for uni.
To be honest it annoys me, because at the end of the day the time ahead of Freshers' Week can be pretty frightening. It's a leap into the unknown, which means you're susceptible to taking any advice going because you don't know any better. Before I got dropped off I must have read every Guardian/Buzzfeed/wherever-the-fuck-else article about what to expect - and only retrospectively can I confirm they're mostly chatting shit.
Advert
But I get it man. I was so anxious ahead of Freshers' that I even went on those 'student forums' Google directs you to, which will clearly never give good advice because what kind of person is commenting on forums in 2016? You're not thinking clearly though. You're scared, which is normal.
If you're anything like me then you'll probably know all the clichés already: 'You'll meet the best friends you'll ever have', 'you'll have the best time' etc., 'it'll be the most important thing that will ever, ever happens to you', but for a lot of people that turns out to be bullshit. For weeks before I went I was sketching out for no reason, wondering: "How will it all be like? What do I need to know?"
That got me thinking that theLADbible's readers are in need of some #RealTalk - something decent amongst the great cesspit of pre-uni think piece bullshit.
So, I sent round an email to my colleagues, asking what they'd tell their younger selves ahead of Freshers', and here's what they had to say...
George Pavlou says 'Enjoy Freshers' but don't think everyone's your best mate straight away'...
Even if you're not into drinking, it's worth trying your best to get involved during the first week and to make friends.
But don't get that attached to the people you meet during Freshers' Week. Maybe think of them more as when you meet people in the smoking area and have a good conversation. Keep in mind that at first they're just good mates for having fun with.
People get on easier when they're drunk, but when you're sober you might realise they're actually horrible human beings. When I look back there's only three friends from Freshers'; with the rest the only common ground most of us had was that we were pissed.
So my advice is this: you need mates you can put up with sober too, so in the long-term those drunk twats from Freshers' might not cut it.
Claire Reid says 'Don't be a dick'...
I'm not going to give you advice on what to do because that's for you to figure out. But here's what not to do:
Advert
DON'T
- Leave stupid little, passive-aggressive notes all over the place. If you've got an issue, talk to your flatmates about it.
- Get hammered and ditch your mates on a night out without telling them where you're going.
- Tell your coursemates you've done loads of work when you haven't.
- Be slack with the housework. Your housemates aren't your mum and dad - they're not going to wipe your arse.
- Wanking in the bathroom/shower - you've got a bedroom for that, pal.
Basically - it should be obvious - but don't be a dick.
Hamish Kilburn says 'Don't be a 'druggie'...
My housemate ruined another of my housemate's 21st birthday party by coming in high on mushrooms, talking to the wall and throwing his dinner into the hob one item at a time. It fucked up the kitchen.
I suppose that taught me the lesson of confrontation. If you have a problem with someone, iron it out early. My advice would be don't live with people who can't get through the day without the help of drugs. I haven't heard from him since.
Patrick Hulbert says 'Don't go too hard and get a reputation'...
Sagacity is a wonderful thing, but a young me didn't want to be wise.
I had only just turned 18 when I got dropped off at uni and, because of that, had barely been out properly in my life.
On the second night, I was absolutely hammered and managed to cock block myself for six months. And when you're at uni and very desperate that's not ideal.
I did karaoke that night with my new best mate, performing 'Wonderwall', and then me and a lad called Matt sang 'I Predict A Riot'. Then, twatted off my face, I go solo. I choose Electric Six, 'Gay Bar'. Interesting choice. My top was off, my trousers off. Just boxers. In front of over 500 people.
I thought I was a legend, the ultimate lad. Everyone just probably thought I'd lost my mind.
I was so pissed I had to go back to the halls. But I passed out in bed with the door left open. The lads I have known two days come upstairs, grab me and tie me in my boxers to the bed post, and I spend the night sleeping on the floor tied to my bed.
Did I learn from this? Nope. Two days later I was drinking vodka from a cup in a club, couldn't handle any more, threw it back up in the cup and then watched it overflow. Everyone must have thought I was an idiot.
Rather than trying to go hard and be 'that guy', I should have paced myself - I felt like I spent the next six months trying to get rid of the reputation I'd made in the first week.
Mel Ramsay says 'Break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend before you go'...
You might think that you and your 'bae' are the one couple out of every thousand that makes it through uni, gets married and has four kids. But the chances are, you're not.
If you're leaving your partner at home when you go to uni, you're going to fancy other people, it's natural. When you've played Ring of Fire for the third time, they're going to start looking really attractive.
Just do everyone a favour and make sure you're single - otherwise it'll end up getting messy.
James Dawson says 'You're an adult now, so don't judge so easily'...
Before I went to university, I was a pretty hateful and judgemental guy. I hated the world, I hated the system - whatever that was - and thought everyone who disagreed with me was wrong. Sure I had my mates, but in general, I thought fuck everyone else.
Don't get me wrong, dickhead, not that much has changed, but I do think uni made me more inclined to reserve judgement.
School is a tribal, angry place which trains you to be suspicious of other people and to stay with 'your' friends - it breeds the mentality of the pack, because when you're that age secretly everybody's self-conscious as fuck. Even if you wouldn't admit it to the world.
But university can be and should be the opposite. It's a reset button on your life when you're more grown-up, at a point when everybody's more comfortable with themselves. It's somewhere it's okay to make friends with people you'd have hated two years ago. You just have to keep an open mind to people from different backgrounds and ideas to you. You'll realise that not everyone you hang about with has to look and sound like you.
Advert
It'll take you out of your comfort zone, but since when was that a bad thing? My advice is, when in doubt, just go with it.
Featured Image Credit: