Dating expert warns over 'micro-cheating' and the signs that you're doing it

Another day another dating pitfall to watch out and this time it’s something you may be guilty of without even realising you're doing anything wrong.

In recent years, we’ve seen the rise of numerous dating trends, such as ghosting, beige flags, getting zombied, being phubbed and even the wonderfully named ‘frog-ization’.

And now you can add ‘micro-cheating’ to your relationship lexicon, too.

But what is it?

Dating expert Melanie Schilling defined to the HuffPost in 2017 as ‘a series of seemingly small actions that indicate a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship’.

The sort of actions that could be considered micro-cheating are having a sneaky look on dating apps to see what else is out there; sending flirty messages to an acquaintance without your partner’s knowledge; or not being entirely truthful about your relationship status to others.

So, could you be guilty of micro-cheating?

Shilling explained: “You might be engaging in micro-cheating if you secretly connect with another guy/girl on social media; if you share private jokes; if you downplay the seriousness of your relationship to another guy/girl; or if you enter their name under a code in your phone.

Pexels/Budgeron Bach

"These are all signs that you are conducting a 'covert flirtation' and keeping it from your partner. If you feel you have something to hide, ask yourself why.

"Secrecy is the tell-tale sign. Micro-cheating is a subtle betrayal and it needs secrecy to fuel its fire.”

If you’re reading this and think it all sounds harmless enough - then beware, as another expert thinks it could be a way for people to ‘test the borders’.

Relationship expert Susan Winter told the Independent: “Although micro-cheating may not be physical cheating, it’s certainly testing the borders of emotional cheating.

"Flirting is flirting. And flirting is the act of fanning a spark that can easily spread to a flame.”

Pexels/ROMAN ODINTSOV

While many of us like to engage in the odd bit of flirting, Shilling stresses that it’s the intention behind it which is important.

And she warns that if you allow your other half to get away with micro-cheating, you can undermine your place in the relationship and be giving your partner the chance to ‘have their cake and eat it’.

Adding: "By allowing this, you are effectively saying 'It's ok to flirt with him/her, I'm happy to take second place and I don't really matter.'

"Over time, this can erode your self esteem and set you up to be the 'victim' in your relationship."

Topics: Sex and Relationships

Claire Reid

Claire is a journalist at LADbible who, after dossing around for a few years, went to Liverpool John Moores University. She graduated with a degree in Journalism and a whole load of debt. When not writing words in exchange for money she is usually at home watching serial killer documentaries surrounded by cats. You can contact Claire at [email protected]