Topics: Dating trends, News, Sex and Relationships, Mental Health
If you want to ensure you and your partner are singing from the same hymn sheet, apparently, all it takes is six words.
Psychiatrist Ashwini Nadkarni reckons that asking your other half one simple question is the solution to ensuring your relationship stays on track. In fact, she believes it will give you're romance something of a boost too, as it will spark a conversation which 'enables you to understand each other’s love languages' a lot better.
Dr Nadkarni, an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, explained that people often consult her about how they can become more in tune with their partner.
The physician, speaker and author is based in Massachusetts, and she explained there's a simple secret to achieving this, which will subsequently allow you and your significant other to grow closer.
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Although you might think you know them well enough already, asking this short and sweet question will hopefully help you understand them on a much deeper level. According to Dr Nadkarni, you just need to inquire about 'what makes them feel most loved'.
Explaining the reasoning behind why this is so effective in her eyes, she told Reader's Digest: "It helps couples understand each other’s love languages - what each one needs to feel special and loved."
Instead of taking a stab in the dark and guessing, she suggests asking your partner to explain which ways they like to receive affection, before sharing your own answer with them, as it 'works best when both partners answer'.
You and your partner might be a match made in heaven, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you have the same attachment styles or share the same love languages.
"Some people might have an avoidant attachment style, where they feel a little bit more anxious or clingy," the psychiatrist said.
"Other people value autonomy more," she said. "That’s called the avoidant dismissive attachment style. Others have secure attachment styles, where they can communicate directly about when they feel upset. They’re more flexible."
Whichever category you fall into, spelling this out to your partner makes things a lot easier for everyone, as you are then both clear on 'what makes you feel regulated and how you connect'.
Explaining how the conversation should ideally go, Dr Nadkarni said: "Their answer is revealing things like, 'I want acts of service, I want emotional presence, I want physical affection'.
"You’re gathering information about all those core dimensions and helping someone feel really seen, valued and secure."
She believes that asking your other half what makes them feel most loved can 'bring people together in a way that dating for five years might not'.
Dr Nadkarni also suggests that couples should revisit this candid conversation every so often too, as a person's answers 'can change with life stages, with stress, with illness, with parenting'.
"Even after 25 years together, your relationship can still develop more nuance and layers," she added.
