A Fifth Of Men Would Go A Year Without Sex For Perfect Beard, Study Claims
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Meat Loaf once said he 'would do anything for love', but it seems a fifth of men would give up love for the perfect beard.
A study quizzed 2,000 fellas on their views of facial hair and a fifth of respondents said they rate it so highly that they'd be willing to go celibate for a whole year in exchange for the perfect beard.
The research - conducted by OnePoll on behalf of Honest Amish (a company that flogs beard products) - also found that 40 percent of men would be willing to spend a night behind bars or a year without coffee for a better beard. Meanwhile, 18 percent said they would be willing to shave their head for the dream beard.
The findings are undoubtedly interesting; who knew there were loads of baby-faced chaps out there living lively love lives, all the while wishing they could give it all up for some mug pubes?
However, it's worth pointing out that quitting sex for a year will not guarantee you a perfect beard. The same goes for being temporarily imprisoned, not drinking coffee or shaving your head; I assure you, my perfect beard (see bio) wasn't spawned as a result of shaving my head (see bio).
It seems guys are overly bothered about having a beard too, with 73 percent of male participants saying they thought facial hair made men more attractive, while only 63 percent of women shared this view.
It's also worth pointing out to the barren-faced blokes out there that beards require a lot of maintenance. It doesn't all grow at the same rate and get full of poo.
Yes, while it is quite common for beardy fellas to be called out for a tash full of Guinness or a chin full of crumbs, there could actually be a lot of dirtier debris lurking within.
A 2018 study found that almost half of men have s**t in their beard. The research - conducted by Fragrance Direct and Manchester Metropolitan University - involved taking swabs from men's beards and analysing them in a bid to discover what lies beneath the surface.
The results of the study found that 47 percent of the beards sampled contained the micro-organism 'Enterococcus spp', which is also found in the human bowel and in faecal matter.
So there you go baby-faces. Sure, you don't look as cool as us beardy men, but at least you don't have a face full of faeces. Or at least you shouldn't have.