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Topics: Sex and Relationships
Amelia Jones
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Former sex worker Samantha X has revealed three reasons why she thinks married men cheat and what they're looking for when they decide to stray.
While the retired escort told the Mail Online that this infidelity doesn't mean that they'll leave you, she says the worst thing you can do for your relationship is 'walking down the aisle and getting married'.
Samantha said: "I know why husbands cheat, I know what they secretly desire and I know what goes on in their minds."
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She then explains where her 'expertise' on the matter comes from.
After ditching the 'normal life' in her thirties for undisclosed reasons, she had previously worked as a journalist on national magazines before becoming an escort - but clarified that she wasn't a psychologist, wife or partner.
Before listing the reasons, she says that the number one reason why men might seek out escorts is connection.
But Samantha claims that, despite all appearances, this form of infidelity isn't about sex.
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"As an escort, I didn't swing from chandeliers or go to secret dungeon sex clubs (disappointing, I know). The service that was requested most was the girlfriend experience – and that meant listening, supporting, and guiding," the columnist said.
However, she gives out the disclaimer 'not all men, not all marriages and it is never your fault'.
But these are the reasons she says that a man might seek out a sex worker.
1. They want to open up
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Samantha says that, while the stereotype of men is that they often don't open up about their feelings, men do like to talk.
"They are emotional and extremely vulnerable. They tell me they're too scared to be vulnerable at home, and instead feel they need to be the 'strong one'," she says.
According to Samantha, men sometimes worry that opening up about their issues may cause 'undue stress' for their partner and have told her 'I don't want to be judged' when asked for the reason why they haven't spoken to a counsellor.
So rather than expressing their feelings to their nearest and dearest, or simply seeking out a buddy or paying a counsellor to talk it out with, they might pay to see an escort.
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2. They want to spend time on sex and foreplay
Samantha says that while she'd 'rather have a cup of tea these days' and understands why sex is no longer a priority for many couples, the role of an escort is 'to be a lady of pleasure'.
But while you might think a 'wham bam thank you ma'am' experience is always on the cards for an escort, a quickie isn't always what men are seeking out from them - or their relationship.
"Men secretly want to spend hours in bed with you but say they got sick of being rejected. They miss foreplay (pleasuring you not the other way round) and they don't always want it all to be over before you can say 'pass me the TV controls, MAFS is on'."
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3. They know you've cheated before
When it's easy to try and place the 'blame' for this type of indiscretion on men, Samantha claims that they aren't always the partner who's being unfaithful, just that men are often 'the ones that get caught'.
She details how one man in his fifties spent two hours simply sitting on the bed lamenting that his wife had just run off with her personal trainer.
And another said he had been abandoned and left with the kids by his wife and had no idea how to 'boil an egg'.
She says: "While a wife may turn a blind eye to her husband's slip up, men won't. Their ego won't allow it. If they stay (and men rarely leave), they will see that as a green light to do what they want so you are 'quits'."
Samantha says that the most important takeaway from her inside knowledge is the information that men still love their partner despite using a sex worker, and most of the time don't want to end their relationship.
"They don't want to leave you for another woman and they most certainly don't want to run off with an escort (and no escort in the history of this earth would ever want to run off with your husband either – that's like taking your work home with you).
"Men are like puppies that chew your shoes, they just can't help themselves."