Woman who was ‘scared of sex’ explained how it felt to lose her virginity aged 27
A woman who was formerly petrified of 'sex and penises' has revealed how she overcome her fear and lost her virginity at the age of 27.
Alyne Tamir explained that she became alarmed at the mere thought of intercourse as an adult, because her sexuality was 'so policed' while she was growing up.
The 35-year-old, from Los Angeles, California, was raised in a strict Mormon household - and sex before or outside of marriage is strictly forbidden by the church.
As a result, Alyne said she spent a lot of her younger years carrying around 'so much shame around sexuality', before she was thrown right in at the deep end on her wedding night in 2012.
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She got hitched to a man she met at a religious university when she was 22, and although consummating the marriage is something a lot of newlyweds typically look forward to, she was downright terrified.
"I was really stressed and I was scared of it, and I was scared of penises," Alyne, who is currently single, recalled. "We finally tried after I avoided it for hours. I started crying and it was super painful.
"When religion is so strict, your sexuality is so policed and you're not allowed to masturbate or to think about pleasure your whole life...[then] in one night it's like 'Okay, have sex now'."
The newly married couple tried to seal their union, but Alyne explained they eventually had to abandon it because the attempts left her in tears - but they both assumed it was just down to wedding night jitters.
Alyne and her former husband tried to have sex for a further six months, but had no luck.
"I felt like a bad person for having sex, even though it was allowed in marriage," she explained, adding that 'nothing would go inside' of her - not even a tampon.
As she was left in agony after each attempt, Alyne visited three different gynaecologists to get to the bottom of her discomfort and was later diagnosed with vaginismus.
Have a listen to Alyne explaining it here:
According to the NHS, this is a condition which causes the vagina to 'suddenly tighten up when you try to insert something into it', which can be both 'painful and upsetting'.
It explains that it is an 'automatic reaction' which women do not have control over, however, it can be treated.
"We could never figure it out," Alyne said about her relationship before the diagnosis. "Nothing could go inside of me and I couldn't even use a tampon.
"It was so painful and even if you wanted to force it, you couldn't. It was tight shut. I felt so bad for him. He got married and couldn't even have sex with his wife, I felt like a horrible wife.
"I felt like a prisoner, but it wasn't his fault. I created a prison and put myself there and had to make someone sexually happy. I was miserable and didn't understand what was happening."
The couple eventually gave up on their sex life after six months, as Alyne would 'cry or bleed' each time they tried, and she said she began to feel 'dead inside' due to the emotional toll vaginismus took on her.
"I started Googling 'people who can't have sex after marriage' and I found this article about people with super-conservative religions sometimes having this problem," Alyne continued.
In 2015, she cheated on her husband with another man - explaining although she still didn't have sex, it 'was something sexual outside of marriage' - and they ended up divorcing that year after she confessed.
Fresh out of her marriage, Alyne also decided to step away from Mormonism as she decided she did not agree with some of the teachings about women.
This ultimately led her on a journey of sexual liberation and she finally lost her virginity when she was 27-years-old, with a man she met while travelling in Sri Lanka.
Alyne said of her first conquest: "I didn't tell him I was a Mormon and I didn't tell him I was a virgin. I wanted to work up to it because I was still religious deep down and I didn't want to go to hell.
"I was very scared of sex. It wasn't something I was excited for, and I was terrified. After three weeks, I let it happen one night. I made sure I was relaxed and didn't tell him anything.
"It was still a little painful the first couple of times, but it was happening."
She admitted she although she 'didn't enjoy' the sexual experience the first time round, it was a 'huge relief' to lose her virginity after all these years - and now, she can finally enjoy sex outside of marriage.
"If you're a woman who hasn't had sex until you're 27 you're not usually just going to like overnight, 'this is great'," Alyne said. "It's so in your head it's insane.
"I can use tampons now and it's so much easier," while adding: "My body was protecting me from not having children and being stuck in a religion in life."
Alyne now wants to spread awareness about vaginismus and has penned a book titled, Dear Alyne: My Years as a Married Virgin, in the hopes of helping others overcome the shame and stigma surrounding the condition.
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Weddings, US News, Religion
Olivia Burke