"PORRIDGE!", "PORRIDGE TIME PAPA BEAR!" No, this isn't an excerpt from Goldilocks and the Three Bears, but rather the sound that a Yorkshire man claims he keeps waking up to in the middle of the night.
Now, I'm a fan of a bowl of porridge, and I might even exclaim it as an option for what I'm going to have for breakfast on a cold morning, but I definitely don't need anyone else weighing in on the matter, especially if they're doing it through the letterbox.
Admittedly it's a bizarre scenario to imagine, but that's exactly why one particular man took to Facebook to vent his frustrations.
In a post shared on the public Facebook group, 50 Shades of Halifax, the man said he was at his 'wits end' after experiencing the strange form of harassment for weeks on end.
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"Apologies if this post is not allowed but I am wanting to get to the bottom of this," he wrote.
The man explained that he lives in a block of flats in Boothtown, Halifax, and that for the past three weeks, someone has been 'opening [his] letter box flap in the middle of the night and shouting 'PORRIDGE'.'
"Sometimes it's 'PORRIDGE TIME PAPA BEAR', or once it was 'EAT IT BEFORE IT GOES COLD PAPPA' - (this bit said in a whisper) 'it's my special porridge','' he continued.
Though entirely nonsensical in the first place, the man pointed out that the comments are made even more confusing by the fact that 'porridge had not been left at any times', so there was never any porridge to eat or any risk of it going cold.
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It might have been easier to understand if they'd pushed a packet of Oats So Simple through the letterbox, though that admittedly might have just made the whole thing more scary.
After three weeks of torment, the Yorkshire man stressed that the mysterious, porridge-loving stranger is an 'unwelcome visitor', adding: "I would like it to stop ASAP."
"If this is you, grow up," he concluded.
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The Facebook post has gained a lot of attention, though unfortunately for the man, not everyone is taking his complaint seriously. One user responded to joke that the person shouting through the door could be a 'cereal killer', while another commented: "Personally I'd get my locks changed just incase, I'd recommend Goldilocks."
There were a few more sympathetic responses, however, with some recommending that the man buy a camera and describing the situation as 'creepy'.
Frankly, I hope the shouting stops soon. It's absolutely oat-rageous.
Featured Image Credit: Nicola Ferrari RF / Vladislav Nosick / AlamyTopics: Food And Drink, Viral, Facebook