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Macklemore May Have Successfully Written The Worst Song Ever

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Macklemore May Have Successfully Written The Worst Song Ever

Macklemore is the type of artist your white mate who puts ball-achingly dull Ed Sheeran tracks on the pub jukebox loves. Hugely accessible rap music that you can sing along to in nightclubs that sell two for one bottles of WKD and Carlsberg for £4.

There is nothing interesting about Macklemore. That's why the GRAMMYs love him so much, and his mate Ryan Lewis (he makes the beats), it's a hugely sellable product.

Just in case you weren't sure, his latest offering, 'Spoons' is a song about spooning, very creative. That's to be expected though because Macklemore is undoubtedly a creative genius, obviously that's why he won a best rap album GRAMMY instead of Kendrick Lamar, who's just talking about racial injustice and other boring shit like that. I mean who gives a fuck about things that matter when you can listen to a white man talk about cuddling in bed.

'Spoons' comes complete with extremely heart-felt and thought-provoking lyrics such as: "I'm a man, but every now and then in bed / I know when to say, 'All right, it's my turn to be the small spoon'." And "If you touch me in all the right places I'll make all the right faces."

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One of those isn't actually a lyric from the song but it might as well be. Not that it matters, no-one is listening to a Macklemore song for the great content. People listen to Macklemore because he's cleverly been marketed as rap music for people who don't like rap.

At this point in 2016, post 'Thrift Shop and 'Same Love' Macklemore is a parody of himself, but I don't think he or his legion of two million Twitter followers are self-aware enough to know this. Or maybe he's too fucking rich to care.

'Spoons' coming to a pub jukebox near you, courtesy of your white friend who owns a Superdry polo tee and posts acoustic 'stripped back' YouTube covers on the weekend.

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Words by Matthew Cooper

Topics: Spoons, Ed Sheeran

Matthew Cooper
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