Why people like to be humiliated as Virgin Island sees sexologist 'use virgin as a stool' in BDSM episode

Virgin Island are taking things up a notch with a brand new feature tonight (11 May) as the participants enter the ‘play time’ phase.

In the upcoming episode, not only do we see Bertie getting his first-ever hands-on tour of female genitalia, but we finally meet BDSM Coach Shelby Devlin.

She gives the group of virgins a whistle-stop tour of ‘play time’ as she spanks them, dominates them and introduces them to bondage.

And it’s noted that one participant is particularly interested in her work: 27-year-old Ed. He was born with limb difference in his arm and hand (known as Poland Syndrome) and is self-conscious of the scars on his chest from grafts and operations.

During his Virgin Island journey, Ed talks about being bullied when he was younger and the knock it had on his confidence. While working with Shelby though, he’s able to engage in humiliation to turn his feelings into pleasure rather than pain.

Shelby’s work with Ed

During tonight’s ep, Ed has two one-to-one sessions with Shelby that are shown and in the first, she uses him as a foot stool.

The pair start off cuddling on the coach before exploring his ‘submissive side’ and he opens up to her about why he might like feeling humiliated.

“It’s probably because I was bullied quite a lot in school,” he says, adding that it’s what he’s ‘used to’’.

So, Shelby then has him crawl around the floor, kneeling with his head on the ground and then putting her feet up on his back.

During all of this, the expert uses a ‘traffic light system’ to check that he’s comfortable with what he’s being told to do, to keep him in a level of control.

Shelby spanks him with a paddle and even kicks him over as she tells him he is a ‘bad, bad boy’ while he says he is enjoying the session.

Ed rolls around the carpet before leaving the place with a bit of a spring in his step, citing it as a ‘big thing’ for his ‘personal development’.

The coach also uses ‘cognitive restructuring’ during a session to help change his attitude about himself, guiding him to strip off and look at himself in the mirror. The aim is to reflect his negativity to ultimately boost his confidence and feel empowered.

Shelby uses Ed as a 'foot stool' during tonight's episode. (Channel 4)

Shelby explains why the humiliation kink works

The BDSM coach creates an environment where Ed can open up to her, in order to embrace his fantasies.

“I think you get turned on by being humiliated a little bit,” she says.

And she goes on to explain why this can be: “Sometimes that source of pain that we experience, we can kind of reclaim it.”

Shelby explains that a common reason why people may ‘crave’ being humiliated is: “If you have a bad emotional or psychological experience at a formative age, as an adult you might want to make it work for you – to feel confident, empowered and safe.

“Communication and trust and safety is what allows someone to fully surrender.”

Shelby says some people like to make that pain work for them in pleasure. (Channel 4)

Sex experts on humiliation

We spoke to some more experts on all things sex to get their takes on just what a humiliation kink is and why people may lean towards them.

Relationship and sex therapist Georgina Vass explains that the same area of our brain ‘processes pain and pleasure’, meaning that some people find humiliation play as sexually arousing.

“Sexual activity can be a way for people to channel their creativity through various sexual ‘scenes’ or scenarios, and humiliation play can involve a versatile range of these through insults and ridicule, objectification, scolding, ejaculation, spitting, or penetration,” Georgina says.

Noting the importance of ‘trust and vulnerability’, she adds that it can give some a ‘mental break’ and ‘an escape’ from responsibility.

“Being humiliated sexually tends to be a novel experience for people and novelty is an aphrodisiac,” Georgina concludes.

Someone whose had experience working with humiliation kinks is Melissa Todd, who specialises as a dominatrix.

She says she’s noticed clients might seek a humiliation that they’ve ‘already experience and appear to be trying to process’.

“I imagine it’s a way of trying to ‘take ownership’ of a trauma and repurpose and package it to instead make it stimulating and thrilling,” Melissa adds. “It’s a remarkably clever way of dealing with something that might otherwise stunt your development and ruin your happiness. Kinksters are a clever creative bunch.”

You can watch Virgin Island tonight at 9pm on Channel 4 and on streaming.