Berghain simulator lets you see if you'd be allowed into legendary nightclub

If you want to figure out how to get into the Berghain nightclub in Germany, then there’s a simulator for you.

As someone who thinks I’d be their prime target market for experiencing something ultimately weird and wonderful, four attempts in and I’m still being rejected by the website which analyses your body language and voice.

Located in Berlin, Berghain is notoriously difficult to get into, and the criteria used by its bouncer, Sven Marquardt, is pretty much a brand secret.

Founded back in 2004 by Norbert Thormann and Michael Teufele, the club sits on the border between Kreuzberg and Friedrichshain, and is set in an industrial-looking building surrounded by chain fences.

As one of the world's most famous clubs, the club is open from Saturday night until Monday morning, and has a strict black-dress code and no mobiles.

Let me in, Sven (Getty Stock Images)

While there is reportedly hundreds turned away each year, there’s also a great indicator to understand if you could beat those odds.

That’s because there’s a real-life simulator with its own Sven at the doors and a set of three questions he needs you to answer before considering if you’re a worthy visitor.

The questions vary, but usually they come in any type of form of:

Have you been here before?

Are you on drugs?

Do you know who’s playing?

Apparently, there’s a right way to answer those things, despite me providing every type of response I could think of and being rejected every single time.

It’s a complete mystery.

However, Marquadt did reveal what he looks for in real life when being up against a selection of hopeful attendees.

He explained in the 2019 documentary, Berlin Bouncer: "It's subjective. Only a few of my guys are allowed to select guests at the door.

"I feel like I have a responsibility to make Berghain a safe place for people who come purely to enjoy the music and celebrate - to preserve it as a place where people can forget about space and time for a little while and enjoy themselves.”

It checks your vibe (Getty Stock Images)

If you want to increase your chances, Euro News says there are a few things you could do.

For example, it doesn’t hurt to arrive early and turn up in a small group, as well as to have not consumed too much alcohol beforehand.

But if you really want to study for it, so to speak, then using the simulator could help you out as the website tracks your voice and body language across four parameters: anger, sadness, euphoria and amazement.

A Google review from someone who allegedly got in two months ago, said it ultimately depends on your vibe.

They wrote: “You get a first taste of what will expect you in berghain standing in the queue. normally this is a part of going out which i am not excited about. however, it is the first preparation part of a night which is all about starting to take off your mind. queuers are all calm, and patient, regardless of the very long waiting hours, with their intention to start their night of unknown. waiting felt meditative, somehow peaceful.”

They added: “And to clear the gossip, come there to be yourself. that is also what the door policy lets in. it is your energy and your presence that count, not primarily what you wear. there is no strategy or logic to the sorting. you will not understand why someone gets in and someone else does not, and that is precisely the point. if you are a regular, chances are that every now and then you will not get in either. oddly enough, that feels like a small lesson in accepting uncertainty. not everything has to be explained and optimized i guess.”