If you’re in a relationship, it’s only natural that your sex life ebbs and flows, but something a little more serious might have happened along the way.
When it comes to intimacy, so many things can affect our willingness to perform.
Whether it’s a snide comment made earlier in the day that’s playing on your mind, the constant managing of the household work, even though you both work full-time, or you just can’t be bothered to be sexy- there’s a lot that can impact your sex life.
So, falling into the ABC ‘trap’ isn’t a shock.
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For those of you who don’t know, the ABC sex trap is pretty much what we see in older relationships.
Say, you’ve been in a relationship for a while and you’re over your ‘hump like bunny’ phase, you’re probably going to either continue as you are and have sex regularly, or you’ll begin the ABCs.
Hey, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, as when you grow together and have kids (if you want them) and start to have more stress and responsibility, sex is often the last thing on your mind.
For some, they like to schedule sex, but that can make it feel like work.
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Others set aside specific days that sex is sort of obligated, such as an anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas.
Of course, you can also throw in some sex on Valentine’s Day too, but that’s really what the ABC trap is.
It’s like sex has become work, or a chore to get over with and allocate every now and then just to say you’ve done it this year.
But you don’t need to carry on this way.
According to Marisa Peer for the Daily Mail, there are things you can do to get that spark back, without straining yourself.
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It doesn’t even matter if you’ve not had sex for years- you can still pick it back up.
Her first bit of advice is choosing how you word sex.
She wrote: “Your words shape your reality, so if you're saying to yourself, 'It's Christmas so I must have sex with my partner' then that language makes you think it's something that has to be done and got out of the way.”
Instead, remind yourself that you ‘fancy’ them and love them and that this is an expression of that love.
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If you’re someone who allots time for sex on special occasions, she says to think about doing it tonight instead of putting it off in the future.
She said: “Think about the candles and the food and music; it all helps. And choose a day when you don't have other commitments – today sounds good to me!”
You could also bring back the early days of your relationship and try to be a bit more affectionate, hold hands, play a song that’s important to you both, and then attempt to spice things up outside of the bedroom like watching a saucy film.
Then, if you feel self-conscious: “Focus on what it feels like to be wrapped around your partner's body and holding each other. Enthusiasm is more important than looking perfect.”
It’s all about team work, guys!
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Lifestyle
Britt Jones