Sex therapist with 20 years experience reveals three things she would never do in a relationship

While we might very well know what we like in the bedroom, there may be a few things we do that are partner really doesn’t.

And let’s be honest, its flipping annoying when our partner keeps doing that irritating thing that just grates and grates on us.

So, to help us out from making any more mistakes, a sex therapist with 20 years’ experience has revealed the three things she would never do in a relationship.

Vanessa is a ‘’licensed psychotherapist’ who studied human sexuality. Along with partner Xander, ‘a regular dude’, she shares sex advice and ‘frank discussions’ on YouTube. Here's her tips:

Don't go shaming your partner for having a go. (Getty Stock)

Shame a partner

Vanessa says she would never shame her partner ‘for initiating sex in a moment’ when she wasn’t personally into it.

“I know that when your partner initiates sometimes it can bring up shame, embarrassment, frustration if you really aren’t into it in that moment,” she explains.

“But I know how vulnerable initiating can be.”

The therapist says she would never want to make her partner feel bad for ‘putting themselves out there and asking’. And let’s be honest, getting shamed will feel pretty sh*t.

However, of course, them initiating consensual sex is very different to them forcing themselves on you when you don't want it.

Vanessa reckons doing these things can impact your relationship. (Getty Stock)

Stop as a ‘test’

“I would never stop initiating sex as a test to my partner,” Vanessa states.

The therapist understands how ‘frustrating’ it might feel if you’re the one with the higher sex drive and your other half ‘rarely or never seems to initiate sex’.

So, perhaps you find yourself wondering ‘if I stopped initiating would my partner even start’.

But Vanessa says: “Tests like these never work out for anybody. Sex should not be a mind game.”

Fake an orgasm

Ah, this old chestnut. While the therapist warns against it, it’s a pretty common thing that goes down in the bedroom.

Yep, a previous YouGov poll found that a whopping 58 percent of British women have faked an orgasm. And it’s not just the ladies, apparently 21 percent of men have too.

And Vanessa ‘understands’ why people do it as she adds: “I really sympathise with the many reasons we fake,” admitting to have done it ‘tonnes’ of times in the past.

“But nobody wins when you fake,” she says. “You have unsatisfying sex, your partner never ends up learning what you like and you only find yourself growing more and more resentful.”

Well, let that be a warning for you, next time you do any of these things during sex, you could be putting your relationship at risk.