Cheating in a relationship is one of the most emotionally damaging things you can do to another person.
It can leave a person wondering why this happened, what they did or didn't do which resulted in their partner taking a tumble with someone else.
Trying to find the reasons behind cheating could drive a person doolally, but an expert in the field has worked out some of the more common reasons people did it.
Writing in the Daily Mail, therapist Jeff Guenther laid out the most common reasons why people cheated on their partners.
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Sexual dissatisfaction
If the sex isn't great then someone might try and get a better time between the sheets elsewhere, but the therapist pointed out that things might be better if you employed that tool to better sex: communication.
He suggested you talk about what you weren't getting out of your relationship's rumpy pumpy 'instead of doing the mental gymnastics needed to allow yourself to cheat'.
Power imbalance
Guenther claimed that some people cheat because they feel powerless in their current relationship and might be trying to 'compensate by betraying your partner'.
He suggested to people considering cheating that they first ought to 'take a step back' and think about the power dynamics in your current relationship.
Indeed, others have said that one of the main motivators for cheating is that they don't feel respected by their partner.
The 'real you' is elsewhere
According to Guenther, this was the most common reason he'd encountered for people cheating, they'd say they felt more like their genuine selves with someone else.
Rather than breaking things off with your partner to get with this other person, the therapist suggested telling them you want a 'more authentic' relationship.
It seems as though his preferred advice is that if there's issues in your relationship you ought to talk to your partner first.
A treat for yourself
According to the therapist, this one was close to 'grandiosity with a side of narcissism' from people who 'feel like we're the main character in a world that revolves solely around us'.
Someone who thinks they deserve the right to enjoy a bit of cheating might talk themselves into doing what they wanted to, with little regard for the consequences or the other people they might hurt.
Unmet emotional needs
Of course people want their needs met by their relationship, and Guenther said it was a 'huge turn-on' to find someone who did that for you.
If your current partner doesn't but a new one does this is where a problem can occur, but the therapist suggested doing the grown-up thing would be to give 'your partner a chance to meet your emotional needs'.
Sometimes it can be a bit 'chicken and egg' to figure out whether cheating is a result of a relationship that's not good for the people in it, or if cheating takes something that could have worked and brings it down until it doesn't.
It's all over but the crying
They say it ain't over until it's over, but some people basically don't want a gap between their relationships and will carry on with someone else before informing their current partner that the relationship is done.
Of course it isn't, and it's still cheating if you don't have the guts to end a relationship you already consider to be over.
Cheating often brings a relationship to an end anyway, but at least have the decency to call it quits with one person before hopping into bed with someone else.
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Joe Harker