Sex therapist said there are four things you should ‘never’ do with partner in bedroom

There are many things to know about intimacy, but one sex therapist has spoken out about four things you should 'never do' in the bedroom.

Research found that January 1 is the most popular day for getting it on, but as we head through 2026 what should, and shouldn't we, be trying between the sheets?

Vanessa Marin, from California, has been an expert for decades and regularly shares tips and tricks (as well as no-nos) online for those keen to learn.

She says it can take time to figure out what works in a relationship.

Vanessa explained about her own relationship on Instagram: “For Xander and me, it’s taken us many years to figure out what a supportive, compassionate and accountable relationship looks like for us.

“Remember, you are a team, and you can work together to create a relationship that feels even more supportive and compassionate."

She then broke down four things you should never do during intimate moments, and stressed the importance of showing kindness to themselves and their partners.

We hear many tips of things to do, but less so about what to avoid (Getty Stock)

Not initiating sex

Vanessa said she would never expect her husband to always be the one to initiate sex, just because 'he's the man'.

"No way," she explained, saying how vital it is for it to be equal.

Research has shown that men like it when their partner initiates sex, but also many women want to initiate sex a lot more than they do, but are afraid of being judged for it.

According to Wonderlust, women often feel like there are social, cultural and biological factors holding them back.

The expert says it can be awkward when only one of the partnership is regularly initiating (Getty Stock)

No pressure

Number two on the forbidden list is piling on the pressure for your partner.

If you are the one who is always initiating, it can be hard to be told 'no' repeatedly, but you must never pressure a partner.

Everyone's libido fluctuates on a day by day basis, and guilt tripping is never a good idea.

Communication

Communication is key when it comes to romance, says Vanessa.

She says it's important not to keep quiet in the bedroom about your desires and what would truly make you happy.

"Be sure to discuss new boundaries and expectations with your partner in a patient, respectful, and intentional way, and go slow! Don’t expect transformative change overnight," she explained.

It can be beneficial in more ways than one.

Scientific studies found that partners who communicate more openly about their sexual desires and preferences reportedly experienced higher levels of sexual satisfaction than those who do not.

Things can go wrong, and it's important not to take them personally (Getty Stock)

Be empathetic

It happens to all of us - you're trying to be sexy or romantic but one thing or another goes wrong.

Having a negative reaction to a partner's performance issues is one way to put a dampener on the relationship.

Men in particular can feel a lot of pressure to perform, and Vanessa says she would never 'make it about me'.

In the bad books is 'crying', 'pouting' and accusing her partner of not being attracted to her as an example.

Erectile dysfunction is surprisingly common, as is taking it personally.

A recent study by Superdrug found that 23 percent of women whose partners had ED believed it had 'something to do with them', with 14 percent admitting their confidence suffered as a result.

Empathy is key.