Expert explains ‘real reasons’ why people cheat on their partners in relationships

A psychotherapist and dating expert has revealed the reasons why she believes some people cheat in long-term relationships.

The answer to the question of 'Why do people cheat?' is one which is fraught with conflict and earth-shattering emotions from anyone who has gone through the awful experience of being cheated on.

Ask somebody why they think people cheat on their significant other and you'll probably hear a number of responses along the lines of 'they're selfish' or 'they have no self control' - except with a lot more expletives.

However, Esther Perel maintains that the 'real' reasons why people cheat in relationships aren't always straight forward.

Infidelity can be one of the most soul-crushing experiences to go through. (Getty Stock Images)

Appearing on a recent episode of the Diary of a CEO podcast, Perel, 66, was asked by host Steven Bartlett about the reasons why.

"People cheat for a whole host of reasons," Perel said before explaining that not all affairs stem from a poor relationship.

After spending over a decade studying infidelity, Perel says the motivations for cheating changes from person to person but it usually boils down to loneliness, resentment of a partner or the need to receive affirmation from another person for self esteem.

"They cheat for a whole host of reasons that have to do with conflict and discontent and disconnection," she added.

However she also noted that not all affairs are due to a dysfunctional relationship as they can also happen in 'happy couples too'.

"It's not as much [that] you want to leave the person you are with as much as you want to leave the person that you have become," Perel explained.

Perel has spent a decade speaking with people who've had affairs. (YouTube/@The Diary of a CEO)

"It's not that you want to meet another person as much as you want to meet another self or other parts of yourself that have disappeared in your life.

"At the heart of affairs you find longing, and loss, and yearning."

She then went on to reveal that the one word she heard the most during her research of affairs was the word 'alive', adding that they often serve as 'erotic plots' to many people.

So, if affairs occur due to a need for spontaneity, how can a couple in a long-term relationship avoid the trap of infidelity?

"An affair is often experienced as an antidote to that kind of deadness," Perel said, adding that couples can avoid this by putting '10% of the creative imagination' needed for an affair into their marriage.

Perel's findings aren't unique either, with a recent thread discussing the topic on Reddit throwing out reasons such as 'cowardice', 'issues within yourself' and needing to fill 'an emotional void'.