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Therapist of 45 years explains main reason why people cheat on their partners

Home> Lifestyle

Published 20:54 8 Jul 2025 GMT+1

Therapist of 45 years explains main reason why people cheat on their partners

There are often multiple reasons why a person will cheat in a relationship

Brenna Cooper

Brenna Cooper

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A sex therapist who has been in the business for 45 years has explained the main reason she believes people cheat on their partners.

Infidelity is one of the most devastating things which can happen to a person in a relationship – and yet people continue to do it anyway.

Research suggests around 15 percent of married women and 25 percent of married men will engage in an affair at some point in their lives, via the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, while YouGov estimates that one in five Brits have confessed to cheating at some point.

Infidelity isn't always limited to hook-ups either, with terms such as 'micro-cheating' and 'silent cheating' doing the rounds over recent years.

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There are even theories about whether or not a person's job can predict the likelihood of them going behind a partner's back.

So, why do people cheat?

For as long as there's been relationships, there has been cheating (Getty Stock Images)
For as long as there's been relationships, there has been cheating (Getty Stock Images)

Why do people chat on their partners?

It's hard to say definitively why people end up cheating on their partners, as reasons can often vary from relationship to relationship.

Reasons such as loneliness, lack of self esteem and harbouring a resentment towards a partner are often given as reasons, while the need to experience 'validation' and 'adrenaline rushes' can also lead to a wandering eye.

An affair isn't always down to the relationship or anything 'lacking' from the other partner, with the reasons sometimes being an unresolved deeper issue on the cheater's part.

According to Esther Perel, a sex therapist of 45 years, there is one 'main reason' which leads to people cheating in a relationship.

Esther Perel has spent over four decades working as a sex therapist (Instagram/@whatnowpodcast)
Esther Perel has spent over four decades working as a sex therapist (Instagram/@whatnowpodcast)

What is the 'main reason' people have affairs?

In a recent interview with The Times, Perel believes the 'deadness' of a relationship is a key sign that a partner may be looking to stray.

But how do you tell if your relationship is suffering from this?

A 'deadness' in a relationship is another way of saying the initial spark - which is the sense of excitement when you initially get together - has faded.

This isn't something which is uncommon, as the transition from early dates to washing each other's laundry isn't a particularly exciting one.

The good news is that the loss of a relationship's initial spark doesn't mean it's over for good, with Perel urging people to make sure they keep the 'curiosity' alive with their partner.

Perel believes that continued curiosity will help couples avoid 'deadness' (Getty Stock Images)
Perel believes that continued curiosity will help couples avoid 'deadness' (Getty Stock Images)

"It means exploration," she said. "It’s about opening yourself up to the possibility that you don’t know your partner as well as you think."

Perel goes on to add that creating new methods of exploration in a relationship doesn't always have to be sexual either, as it could be something simple as talking about new interests or hobbies.

"It could be telling interesting stories, creating new rituals, trying new food. It’s about giving your partner the chance to see you and themselves in a new context," she added.

So there you go, stay curious people.

Featured Image Credit: Instagram/@whatnowpodcast

Topics: Sex and Relationships, Lifestyle

Brenna Cooper
Brenna Cooper

Brenna Cooper is a journalist at LADbible. She graduated from the University of Sheffield with a degree in History, followed by an NCTJ accredited masters in Journalism. She began her career as a freelance writer for Digital Spy, where she wrote about all things TV, film and showbiz. Her favourite topics to cover are music, travel and any bizarre pop culture.

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@_brencoco

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